Gettin' Down in Chi-Town
-Letter from a Chicago Writing Desk-On Love, Marriage, and Equal Rights for AllSo you may be wondering where I’ve been all summer. Probably assuming I’ve been having a blast in some tropical paradise, frolicking naked and getting into sexy adventures. Well, not so much. This summer has been taken up with -ta da!- grad school. I have been thinking my head off, folks. And I was separated from Lance for 5 weeks, which was no treat when I realized that the walls of my summer apartment were so paper thin that Skype sex was OUT. So disappointing! I was totally going to do a Skype sex experiment so I could give my readers some advice about how to do it. Alas, studying and lonely nights were all I got.But I was thinking a lot, as I mentioned above, and reading a whole lot, and talking about the stuff I was thinking about and reading with other students. Which brings me to my point of today’s article: the astonishing reminder that not everyone in America is liberal, open-minded, and educated. I know that may seem obvious to some people, but you forget these things when you spend all your time in metropolitan havens of intellectuals and artists. You forget that much of America has the complete opposite views that you do. Or maybe they agree with you in general, but they don’t listen to NPR as obsessively. Or they don’t really care to be up on sociopolitical issues.Anyhow, here’s the story: I was asked to lead a reading seminar discussion on Dr. Martin Luther King’s “Letter From a Birmingham Jail.” For those who may not be familiar with this piece of writing, it was written by Dr. King while he was in jail, having been arrested for peacefully protesting for civil rights in 1964. It is written as an open letter to clergymen who had criticized his activism. The letter references instances of prejudices in America, and calls for unity and acceptance for all people. It is a powerful, thought-provoking, and beautifully written piece.As the leader of this reading seminar, I was doing my best to be sure that everyone got a chance to talk, to ask questions, to respond to one another. The discussion got deep, and intense at times; how could it not? The subject matter of African-American civil rights is difficult for Americans talk about. We feel guilty, I think, that our countrymen acted so unfairly to others because of differences in race. Those of us born many years after this decade feel a sense of disconnection and disbelief; how could there have been segregated water fountains? We stop to think about our own actions and places in society; are we acting justly? Are we doing enough?As I listened to my classmates, I felt something tugging at the back of my mind. When people spoke of unfairness, injustice, and cruelty, I thought about our current America. We profess to be a land of freedom and equality now, right?? But not everyone gets the same rights, STILL to this day! How antiquated of an idea, that not all adults can marry in every state! How frustrating, that we KNOW that gay marriage will be legal for all in a few years, but we still have to go through this back and forth of the laws! How appalling, that gay partners cannot be on each other’s insurance plans, cannot be with each other in the hospital! How devastating, that bullying and stigmatizing causes young people, who should be treated with the utmost love, acceptance, and understanding, to end their own lives!I’m thinking these things during the reading discussion, and I’m trying to stick to the text, so I only allude to them briefly. Something like, “Well, we’re still working on equal rights in this country…” But a classmate gets it, and she takes up the torch, bringing up gay rights as analogous to civil rights fights of the past. And then a different classmate says something so utterly surprising I am momentarily speechless. This is where my forgetfulness about the people of other backgrounds comes in. She says something like, “Well, I don’t think that gay rights is the same fight. I mean, they aren’t treated like black people were. Nothing that bad has happened to them. What would they write on their protest signs?”This woman has a good heart, I’m sure. It’s just that she’s from Texas (sorry, it’s true), and maybe she doesn’t watch the news. Like I said, I’m speechless. I’m floored. But I’m leading the reading discussion, and I have to say something.A movie montage is going through my head… Matthew Shepard’s face surrounded by the flames of hell on Godhatesfags. com, the Stonewall riots, my cousin getting punched in the face for holding hands with her girlfriend, Dan Savage’s It Gets Better campaign, Prop 8, the Boy Scouts banning gay scout leaders, pink triangles, cancelled proms, Charlene Strong’s heart-wrenching story on the Moth podcast, Marcus Bachmann’s hypocrisy, and all those teenagers who were pushed so hard that they gave up, five in one month last fall.I have to stop this terrible carnival ride in my head and say something. I look this poor woman in the eye and stumble through something like, “No, I don’t think that’s true. I think there’s still a lot of equal rights work to be done in our country.” I cited a few of the examples above, and she looked surprised. And I thought holy balls, she she really doesn’t know this stuff!There is, indeed, a lot of work to be done in this country, my friends. It’s really important work. It’s important that you educate your children, your friends, your family, and the occasion ignorant stranger, on the fact that every person on this earth has a right to love, be with, and commit to another person, regardless of gender, race, class, religion, or anything other thing that makes them “different” from each other. And it’s important that that love and commitment is recognized by all the people in our communities, and our governing bodies. —Yesterday, I had the great honor of being part of the wedding of two women who are very dear to me. It was an absolutely beautiful and joyous ceremony. The love between these women was palpable, and love for them and their happiness emanated from the family and friends surrounding them. As the wedding party processed, gleefully, down the street from the ceremony to the reception, we passed a table of young folks that cheered for the brides. One gal, a complete stranger, shouted, “Thank you, state of Illinois!” She was referring to our state’s recent passing of a Civil Union law. One small step forward, Illinois. I’m grateful that this step allowed my friends’ commitment to be recognized, legally, by our community. I know that this will continue in the years to come, and I am so looking forward to that day when I’m talking to some little kid and I hear them say “What? Gay people couldn’t get married in America? That’s so weird!” It WILL happen, I know it will. We gotta keep working toward making our country the place of liberty it claims to be.xoxo, Lucy

-Letter from a Chicago Writing Desk-
On Love, Marriage, and Equal Rights for All

So you may be wondering where I’ve been all summer. Probably assuming I’ve been having a blast in some tropical paradise, frolicking naked and getting into sexy adventures. Well, not so much. This summer has been taken up with -ta da!- grad school. I have been thinking my head off, folks. And I was separated from Lance for 5 weeks, which was no treat when I realized that the walls of my summer apartment were so paper thin that Skype sex was OUT. So disappointing! I was totally going to do a Skype sex experiment so I could give my readers some advice about how to do it. Alas, studying and lonely nights were all I got.

But I was thinking a lot, as I mentioned above, and reading a whole lot, and talking about the stuff I was thinking about and reading with other students. Which brings me to my point of today’s article: the astonishing reminder that not everyone in America is liberal, open-minded, and educated. I know that may seem obvious to some people, but you forget these things when you spend all your time in metropolitan havens of intellectuals and artists. You forget that much of America has the complete opposite views that you do. Or maybe they agree with you in general, but they don’t listen to NPR as obsessively. Or they don’t really care to be up on sociopolitical issues.

Anyhow, here’s the story: I was asked to lead a reading seminar discussion on Dr. Martin Luther King’s “Letter From a Birmingham Jail.” For those who may not be familiar with this piece of writing, it was written by Dr. King while he was in jail, having been arrested for peacefully protesting for civil rights in 1964. It is written as an open letter to clergymen who had criticized his activism. The letter references instances of prejudices in America, and calls for unity and acceptance for all people. It is a powerful, thought-provoking, and beautifully written piece.

As the leader of this reading seminar, I was doing my best to be sure that everyone got a chance to talk, to ask questions, to respond to one another. The discussion got deep, and intense at times; how could it not? The subject matter of African-American civil rights is difficult for Americans talk about. We feel guilty, I think, that our countrymen acted so unfairly to others because of differences in race. Those of us born many years after this decade feel a sense of disconnection and disbelief; how could there have been segregated water fountains? We stop to think about our own actions and places in society; are we acting justly? Are we doing enough?

As I listened to my classmates, I felt something tugging at the back of my mind. When people spoke of unfairness, injustice, and cruelty, I thought about our current America. We profess to be a land of freedom and equality now, right?? But not everyone gets the same rights, STILL to this day!

How antiquated of an idea, that not all adults can marry in every state! How frustrating, that we KNOW that gay marriage will be legal for all in a few years, but we still have to go through this back and forth of the laws! How appalling, that gay partners cannot be on each other’s insurance plans, cannot be with each other in the hospital! How devastating, that bullying and stigmatizing causes young people, who should be treated with the utmost love, acceptance, and understanding, to end their own lives!

I’m thinking these things during the reading discussion, and I’m trying to stick to the text, so I only allude to them briefly. Something like, “Well, we’re still working on equal rights in this country…” But a classmate gets it, and she takes up the torch, bringing up gay rights as analogous to civil rights fights of the past.

And then a different classmate says something so utterly surprising I am momentarily speechless. This is where my forgetfulness about the people of other backgrounds comes in.

She says something like, “Well, I don’t think that gay rights is the same fight. I mean, they aren’t treated like black people were. Nothing that bad has happened to them. What would they write on their protest signs?”

This woman has a good heart, I’m sure. It’s just that she’s from Texas (sorry, it’s true), and maybe she doesn’t watch the news. Like I said, I’m speechless. I’m floored. But I’m leading the reading discussion, and I have to say something.

A movie montage is going through my head… Matthew Shepard’s face surrounded by the flames of hell on Godhatesfags. com, the Stonewall riots, my cousin getting punched in the face for holding hands with her girlfriend, Dan Savage’s It Gets Better campaign, Prop 8, the Boy Scouts banning gay scout leaders, pink triangles, cancelled proms, Charlene Strong’s heart-wrenching story on the Moth podcast, Marcus Bachmann’s hypocrisy, and all those teenagers who were pushed so hard that they gave up, five in one month last fall.

I have to stop this terrible carnival ride in my head and say something. I look this poor woman in the eye and stumble through something like, “No, I don’t think that’s true. I think there’s still a lot of equal rights work to be done in our country.” I cited a few of the examples above, and she looked surprised. And I thought holy balls, she she really doesn’t know this stuff!

There is, indeed, a lot of work to be done in this country, my friends. It’s really important work. It’s important that you educate your children, your friends, your family, and the occasion ignorant stranger, on the fact that every person on this earth has a right to love, be with, and commit to another person, regardless of gender, race, class, religion, or anything other thing that makes them “different” from each other. And it’s important that that love and commitment is recognized by all the people in our communities, and our governing bodies.
—

Yesterday, I had the great honor of being part of the wedding of two women who are very dear to me. It was an absolutely beautiful and joyous ceremony. The love between these women was palpable, and love for them and their happiness emanated from the family and friends surrounding them. As the wedding party processed, gleefully, down the street from the ceremony to the reception, we passed a table of young folks that cheered for the brides. One gal, a complete stranger, shouted, “Thank you, state of Illinois!” She was referring to our state’s recent passing of a Civil Union law.

One small step forward, Illinois. I’m grateful that this step allowed my friends’ commitment to be recognized, legally, by our community. I know that this will continue in the years to come, and I am so looking forward to that day when I’m talking to some little kid and I hear them say “What? Gay people couldn’t get married in America? That’s so weird!” It WILL happen, I know it will. We gotta keep working toward making our country the place of liberty it claims to be.

xoxo,
Lucy

11 September 26
lovemarriagelesbian weddingmartin luther kingamericagay rightsequalitybachmannmatthew shepardillinois
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I'm Lucy. I live in Chicago and I like to talk about sex. Give me a topic: I'm happy to answer any questions about love, sex, and relationships. Email me at LucyRockwell@gmail.com


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