Don’t Wanna Be… ALL BY MYSELF ANYMOOOOORE!

Dear Lucy, I’m worried I may be one of those women who can’t orgasm with a partner. I like to masturbate, who doesn’t?, but I’m afraid that I’ve built up a ridiculous stamina and now I won’t be able to climax with a partner. Is this a problem or what?

I used to feel similarly- I had found just the right way to give myself an orgasm, and I didn’t think that anyone else would be able to get me there. Happily, I was wrong!

First of all, your me-time has shown you that you can, indeed, have an orgasm from some sort of physical stimulation, so you’ve got that covered.

Secondly, consider the way in which you masturbate. If you use one specific method that gets ‘er done quick, it may be time to switch it up. For instance, if you use a vibrator every time you get yourself off, put the toy away for awhile and start using just your fingers, or the showerhead, or a non-vibe dildo, or, hell, a carrot.

The point is to train yourself to have orgasms in different ways, and to find different touches, textures, and rhythms that can still make you come. This will help you get used to the fingers, tongue, or carrots of a partner, who will not have a touch you’re used to right away.

The next step is to make a promise to yourself to be open about communication when you are with a partner. If s/he is not licking, thrusting, or wiggling around on you in a way that is going to lead you to Orgasm Town, you must tell your partner. Conversely, if s/he IS doing the right things to you at the right time, tell them! Then they can store that info in their memory banks for later, and the next time you’re together, they’ll have good place to start. If you’re shy, you gotta get over it to have successful and satisfying partner sex. Nobody’s gonna feel weird about a few helpful hints, like “Lower! Slower! Deeper! Over there! Squeeze!” (or what have you).

Know that it will take time. You may not see (well, feel) the results you desire for a good while. Just keep trying, experimenting, masturbating, communicating. And the great news on this one: it will get better with practice.

Good luck, let me know how it goes!

xoxo,

Lucy

22 October