Gettin' Down in Chi-Town
IU Do… or IU Don’t? A follow up to my article on birth control… So I went ahead and got an IUD, and this is how it went. After much deliberation in my head, research, advice from my friends and some of you readers, discussion with my boyfriend and doctors, I got the Paragard Inter-Uterine device. Having tried many methods of birth control in the past, I was all fuck this. Done with hormones, done with condoms, done with using the pull-out method (stupid) and being worried about being pregnant every month. This was not the easiest decision for me. I, frankly, loathe that getting a foreign substance inserted into my body by a near-stranger, and having it stay there for the foreseeable future, was the best birth control option for me. But I refuse to go through the side effects of hormonal birth control anymore, and condoms don’t really fit Lance too well. But believe me, the moment birth control for men is easily available, it’s Lance’s turn. Yet for now, it’s all me. So I heard a few things about how the IUD insertion procedure would go. Friend 1 said she went to her waitressing job the night she got an IUD. Friend 2 said her husband had to pick her up from the doctor and she was curled up on the couch for the rest of the night. Friend 3 said the doctor couldn’t get the damn device in the first time and she had to go back for a second appointment (!). I’d say my experience was somewhere in the middle of this pain/annoyance spectrum. My new gyno had prescribed Cytotec (Misoprostol) for me. This pill is intended to treat ulcers, but it also opens and softens a woman’s cervix. Actually, I discovered through a little research, that Misoprostol is used all over the world for underground abortions. There’s a few interesting and somewhat disturbing websites that give instructions on how to administer it yourself if you live in a country where abortions are illegal. And I thanked my lucky stars that I live in a country where it is legal, and where I can go get whatever form of birth control I want whenever I want. When I called to make an appointment change, I double checked with a nurse at the gyno’s office about when to take the prescription. She said to take it vaginally, one pill the night before the procedure, and one the morning of. When I went to pick the Cytotec up, however, the pharmacist looked at the scrip quizzically and asked if I was supposed to take the pills orally. I said, “Uh, I don’t think so… That’s not what the nurse said.” The pharmacist said, “Did she say…” and made a little hand gesture pointing to her crotch. “Yeah, that’s what she said,” I tried not to laugh. “Well, it doesn’t say that on this prescription, but do what they said to do. Are you getting an IUD?” (nod from me) “OK.” So, I guess this is a common use for the pill. Way to tell me the proper usage in the first place, gyno. Not. The day of my appointment arrived, and I went in. I hadn’t remembered to take Aleve before the appointment, and the doctor was a little jerky about that, showing me the chart from last time and saying, “See, I wrote it down.” I was like, “OK, well I didn’t remember. Do you have anything in the office that I can take now?” I’m not the biggest fan of the doctor at this point, but I want to get the damn thing over with. She gives me 4 Ibuprofen, and I wait for the pain killers to kick in for ½ hour, pantsless, on the examining table, reading a magazine for expectant mothers (the only thing in there to read besides STD pamphlets). Sweet irony. The nurse and doctor return, and my feet go up into the stirrups. I ask the doctor to tell me what she’s doing, but not in too much detail. She puts in the speculum (kindly warmed by the kindly nurse) and is pleased to tell me that the Cytotec worked well. My cervix has opened up a bit, this should be easy. I am pleased too, for a moment. Then it’s really painful for a little while. I gasped and held on to the table, struggling to breathe through it. The doctor says I’m doing fine. The nurse tells me to stop hyperventilating or I’m going to pass out. I hiss out a few obscenities. The nurse hands me some alcohol swabs and tells me to hold them under my nose so I don’t faint, and to breathe deeply. Then it’s over, and various implements are removed from my vagina. OK, so the pain during the procedure is not a walk in the park. It’s hard to describe, cause it’s all up in you, not like a cut or a bruise or something. But the whole thing really took about 2 minutes, and we women are built for such things. Soon the color in my face was restored (to the relief of the nurse), and I was walking out of there unassisted. Not even bowlegged. I had to take some anti-infection pills for a couple days afterwards, and I also got a scrip for 600 mg Ibuprofen. I’m now done with the former, and I have unfortunately had to use the latter more than I might have wished. I spent the night of the procedure on the couch with a hot water bottle, and smoked a lot of weed. That was nice. Since then, I’ve have sporadic crampiness a bit each day (it’s been 4 days), and some light bleeding, all which were expected aftereffects. I’m hoping these things end very soon; I actually went home early from work today cause the cramps were pretty bad. As for sex, Lance and I actually went for it the very first night the IUD was in. Nothing too rowdy, as I was still a bit tender. But it’s been really nice to not have to worry about getting jizz in and on any parts of me! He did, at one point, feel the “string” (kind of like fishing line) of the IUD poking the head of his dick. This string comes out of your cervix and hangs out in your vagina, connected to the T-shaped device inside your uterus. But Lance just kinda tucked the string into another part of my vag using his fingers (“There’s all these folds in here!” he said- ha) and it’s been fine since. There you go- hopefully my IUD saga is complete. So far, not so bad. We’ll see how long these cramps last, but at this point I think I could recommend the IUD as a totally doable form of birth control. Be safe, Lucy

IU Do… or IU Don’t?

A follow up to my article on birth control…

So I went ahead and got an IUD, and this is how it went.

After much deliberation in my head, research, advice from my friends and some of you readers, discussion with my boyfriend and doctors, I got the Paragard Inter-Uterine device. Having tried many methods of birth control in the past, I was all fuck this. Done with hormones, done with condoms, done with using the pull-out method (stupid) and being worried about being pregnant every month.

This was not the easiest decision for me. I, frankly, loathe that getting a foreign substance inserted into my body by a near-stranger, and having it stay there for the foreseeable future, was the best birth control option for me. But I refuse to go through the side effects of hormonal birth control anymore, and condoms don’t really fit Lance too well. But believe me, the moment birth control for men is easily available, it’s Lance’s turn. Yet for now, it’s all me.

So I heard a few things about how the IUD insertion procedure would go. Friend 1 said she went to her waitressing job the night she got an IUD. Friend 2 said her husband had to pick her up from the doctor and she was curled up on the couch for the rest of the night. Friend 3 said the doctor couldn’t get the damn device in the first time and she had to go back for a second appointment (!). I’d say my experience was somewhere in the middle of this pain/annoyance spectrum.

My new gyno had prescribed Cytotec (Misoprostol) for me. This pill is intended to treat ulcers, but it also opens and softens a woman’s cervix. Actually, I discovered through a little research, that Misoprostol is used all over the world for underground abortions. There’s a few interesting and somewhat disturbing websites that give instructions on how to administer it yourself if you live in a country where abortions are illegal. And I thanked my lucky stars that I live in a country where it is legal, and where I can go get whatever form of birth control I want whenever I want.

When I called to make an appointment change, I double checked with a nurse at the gyno’s office about when to take the prescription. She said to take it vaginally, one pill the night before the procedure, and one the morning of. When I went to pick the Cytotec up, however, the pharmacist looked at the scrip quizzically and asked if I was supposed to take the pills orally.

I said, “Uh, I don’t think so… That’s not what the nurse said.”

The pharmacist said, “Did she say…” and made a little hand gesture pointing to her crotch.

“Yeah, that’s what she said,” I tried not to laugh.

“Well, it doesn’t say that on this prescription, but do what they said to do. Are you getting an IUD?” (nod from me) “OK.”

So, I guess this is a common use for the pill. Way to tell me the proper usage in the first place, gyno. Not.

The day of my appointment arrived, and I went in. I hadn’t remembered to take Aleve before the appointment, and the doctor was a little jerky about that, showing me the chart from last time and saying, “See, I wrote it down.”

I was like, “OK, well I didn’t remember. Do you have anything in the office that I can take now?”

I’m not the biggest fan of the doctor at this point, but I want to get the damn thing over with. She gives me 4 Ibuprofen, and I wait for the pain killers to kick in for ½ hour, pantsless, on the examining table, reading a magazine for expectant mothers (the only thing in there to read besides STD pamphlets). Sweet irony.

The nurse and doctor return, and my feet go up into the stirrups. I ask the doctor to tell me what she’s doing, but not in too much detail. She puts in the speculum (kindly warmed by the kindly nurse) and is pleased to tell me that the Cytotec worked well. My cervix has opened up a bit, this should be easy. I am pleased too, for a moment.

Then it’s really painful for a little while. I gasped and held on to the table, struggling to breathe through it. The doctor says I’m doing fine. The nurse tells me to stop hyperventilating or I’m going to pass out. I hiss out a few obscenities. The nurse hands me some alcohol swabs and tells me to hold them under my nose so I don’t faint, and to breathe deeply. Then it’s over, and various implements are removed from my vagina.

OK, so the pain during the procedure is not a walk in the park. It’s hard to describe, cause it’s all up in you, not like a cut or a bruise or something. But the whole thing really took about 2 minutes, and we women are built for such things. Soon the color in my face was restored (to the relief of the nurse), and I was walking out of there unassisted. Not even bowlegged.

I had to take some anti-infection pills for a couple days afterwards, and I also got a scrip for 600 mg Ibuprofen. I’m now done with the former, and I have unfortunately had to use the latter more than I might have wished. I spent the night of the procedure on the couch with a hot water bottle, and smoked a lot of weed. That was nice.

Since then, I’ve have sporadic crampiness a bit each day (it’s been 4 days), and some light bleeding, all which were expected aftereffects. I’m hoping these things end very soon; I actually went home early from work today cause the cramps were pretty bad.

As for sex, Lance and I actually went for it the very first night the IUD was in. Nothing too rowdy, as I was still a bit tender. But it’s been really nice to not have to worry about getting jizz in and on any parts of me! He did, at one point, feel the “string” (kind of like fishing line) of the IUD poking the head of his dick. This string comes out of your cervix and hangs out in your vagina, connected to the T-shaped device inside your uterus. But Lance just kinda tucked the string into another part of my vag using his fingers (“There’s all these folds in here!” he said- ha) and it’s been fine since.

There you go- hopefully my IUD saga is complete. So far, not so bad. We’ll see how long these cramps last, but at this point I think I could recommend the IUD as a totally doable form of birth control.

Be safe,

Lucy

9 November 31
birth controliudsex advice
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I'm Lucy. I live in Chicago and I like to talk about sex. Give me a topic: I'm happy to answer any questions about love, sex, and relationships. Email me at LucyRockwell@gmail.com


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