Gettin' Down in Chi-Town
HERPES: No biggie Dear Lucy, My boyfriend and I haven’t had sex yet since this is a long distant relationship. (I know, I know.) But thanks to Skype, we are satisfied sexually to a certain extent. But this summer, he found out he had herpes. He’s never gone to the doctor about it and never got it checked up. I’m pretty sure he’s only had one outbreak. It’s hard for us to talk about and obviously hard for him. We fantasize about me sucking him off till he cums and him cumming inside of me. But when it comes to the real deal, I don’t know how to approach this. I just want to know what you think on this. I love him dearly and one might think if I truly loved him, so what if I contracted the disease from him since we’re in a monogamous relationship? But at the same time, do I really want to risk the chances of getting this STI? Or maybe I’m just complicating all these thoughts too much. I have actually been hoping for an opportunity to talk about herpes, since it is a subject I am all too familiar with. Let’s start with the basic info: The herpes simplex virus is extremely common. Statistics say that 1 in 4 people in the world have the virus. What did, you read that right? YES 1 IN 4. That means that you might have it, your partner might have it, your mom might have it, I might have it. Actually, I do have it. And I consider myself a bit of an expert on the subject, so thanks for coming to me with your questions on the matter. Herpes simplex virus 1 (HSV1) usually shows its effects on the mouth and lips, and HSV2 on the genital area. The common physical symptoms caused by either simplex are little blisters, known as “cold sores” when they are on the lips. What, cold sores are herpes?? Yes, indeed they are. You, or someone close to you, most likely have a cold sore pop up on your lips a couple times a year. Let me reiterate that this is the same virus as genital herpes. Do you see people freaking out and feeling all ashamed about little cold sores? Not so much. They are regarded as a common affliction, and a bit of an annoyance, and nothing more. And genital herpes (though it doesn’t have a cute name like “cold sores”) should be regarded in the same manner. That said, alas, that is not society’s view on the matter. People freak out about herpes because the thought of contracting any STD is scary. Unfortunately, herpes is a virus, meaning it never leaves your body and there is no permanent “cure.” But here’s the great news about herpes: it can’t kill you! It can’t cause sterilization! As far as the big scary STDs go, herpes is barely up there on the terror chart. So, take a few deep breaths and thank your lucky stars that little ol’ herpes is all you have to contend with. I don’t know who I got herpes from. I don’t know if they had oral or genital herpes, because I have the less-common combo of HSV1 (usually oral), but the outbreaks occur genitally. This means that it is most likely that the person who passed the virus on to me had a cold sore (or the beginnings of one) on their lip. If they went down on me, the virus could have passed to me at that time. What I do know is that I noticed a few red sores on my vagina, and I got really scared. The first outbreak is always the worst, and I felt pretty terrible. I had a fever for 1 day, and I went to the doctor as soon as I could. She prescribed a virus suppressant (in this case Acyclovir, but there are many brands of herpes medication), and in about a week the sores went away. That didn’t stop me from feeling horrible. I was sure that my sex life was over. I was terrified of having to talk about this with future partners, sure that I would be seen as dirty and unworthy of love. I was a wreck. But then I got myself educated. I talked to doctors and friends, and found a lot of amazing resources. I learned a lot, so that I could be informed when I talked to guys about it. Little by little, I discovered that herpes is as common as having blond hair or something equally inconsequential. I was not alone. Talking to guys about it was tough at first. I realized that I would no longer sleep with a guy on the first date. I chose my partners a little more carefully, because I had to have a serious talk with them first. So that was one positive effect of acquiring herpes! And, although the discussions were difficult to have, not one guy rejected me. When I met Lance, I was, of course, nervous to tell him I had herpes. I was already in love before we’d slept together, and I felt I had more at stake. But he was in love too, and he was very sweet. He certainly wasn’t going to let that come between us and our burgeoning sex life. Then, a few days later, he complained about the cold sore he was getting on his lip. He said he’d always gotten cold sores, usually about twice a year. I was like, “Lance! Why didn’t you tell me you got cold sores?!” “What? Why?” “Well, darling, that means you have herpes, too. And you can’t catch it from me. We’re all good!” “Ooohhhh…” So, even though I thought I’d explained my herpes to Lance, he still didn’t completely get the connection between oral and genital herpes, just like the majority of society. My mom had tried to comfort me when I first got herpes, telling me it was likely I’d find a partner with the same virus. I didn’t believe it would happen, but then it did. It could happen to you! Want more info? Here’s the facts I find most imperative: THE VIRUS -The herpes virus lives in the nerves at the top or the base of your spine. -This causes the sores to occur on your mouth area or genital area. -HSV1 is usually oral -HSV2 is usually genital -But either simplex can be passed to either area, meaning a person with oral herpes can give another person herpes on their genitals, and vice versa. -As far as I know, it is very very rare to have herpes in both locations in your body, or to have both simplex 1 and 2. -Meaning, if you have one kind of herpes (oral or genital, HSV1 or HSV 2), you’re not going to get another kind. OUTBREAKS -Herpes is very contagious during outbreaks. -Do not have sex that involves contact with herpes sores during an outbreak. -If you have cold sores on your lips, do not give your partner oral sex or kiss on the mouth. -If you have herpes blisters on your genital area, do not have sexual intercourse. -Herpes can also be contracted during non-outbreak time, due to asymptomatic viral shedding. This doesn’t happen often, but you can get herpes even if symptoms aren’t visible. It’s rare, though. -Over the years, the number of outbreaks you get will reduce. HEALTH -During a genital outbreak, keep the area clean and dry. -Virus suppressant medication is available, either to take during outbreaks, or every day (depending on what you and your doctor decide). -Avoid foods with the amino acid arginine, including chocolate, nuts, orange juice, and coffee (boo hoo hoo!) -Take lysine supplements (good amino acid), and eat foods high in lysine -STRESS is the #1 cause of herpes outbreaks; try to reduce stress in your life! I know, easier said than done, but it’s really true. I only get outbreaks when I’m super stressed. RESOURCES -Learn a lot! These sites really helped me: -Genital herpes guide http://www.webmd.com/genital-herpes/guide/default.htm -Differences between HSV1 and HSV2 http://www.herpes.com/hsv1-2.html -The Herpes Handbook http://www.westoverheights.com/genital_herpes/handbook/downloadthehandbook/updatedherpeshandbookenglishedition-1.attachment/attachment2/herpes_handbook_TW_7-22-07.pdf -Keeping positive http://www.factly.com/Article/Keeping-Positive-Attitude-About-Herpes/102474 -The Office, Season 7 Episode 4 (“Sex Ed”). Michael get herpes, funny but insightful and informative episode. -Savage Love podcast Episode 195. Dan Savage talks with Dr. Anna Kaminski of Planned Parenthood. Much of their discussions involve herpes. Well, that was a lot. But it’s a subject I care a lot about, and I hope people can become better informed about herpes. At the end of the day, it’s not really that big of a deal. Millions of people have it and deal with it, and you can too. Xoxo, Lucy

HERPES: No biggie

Dear Lucy,

My boyfriend and I haven’t had sex yet since this is a long distant relationship. (I know, I know.) But thanks to Skype, we are satisfied sexually to a certain extent. But this summer, he found out he had herpes. He’s never gone to the doctor about it and never got it checked up. I’m pretty sure he’s only had one outbreak. It’s hard for us to talk about and obviously hard for him. We fantasize about me sucking him off till he cums and him cumming inside of me. But when it comes to the real deal, I don’t know how to approach this. I just want to know what you think on this. I love him dearly and one might think if I truly loved him, so what if I contracted the disease from him since we’re in a monogamous relationship? But at the same time, do I really want to risk the chances of getting this STI? Or maybe I’m just complicating all these thoughts too much.

I have actually been hoping for an opportunity to talk about herpes, since it is a subject I am all too familiar with.

Let’s start with the basic info:

The herpes simplex virus is extremely common. Statistics say that 1 in 4 people in the world have the virus.

What did, you read that right? YES 1 IN 4. That means that you might have it, your partner might have it, your mom might have it, I might have it. Actually, I do have it. And I consider myself a bit of an expert on the subject, so thanks for coming to me with your questions on the matter.

Herpes simplex virus 1 (HSV1) usually shows its effects on the mouth and lips, and HSV2 on the genital area. The common physical symptoms caused by either simplex are little blisters, known as “cold sores” when they are on the lips.

What, cold sores are herpes?? Yes, indeed they are. You, or someone close to you, most likely have a cold sore pop up on your lips a couple times a year.

Let me reiterate that this is the same virus as genital herpes. Do you see people freaking out and feeling all ashamed about little cold sores? Not so much. They are regarded as a common affliction, and a bit of an annoyance, and nothing more. And genital herpes (though it doesn’t have a cute name like “cold sores”) should be regarded in the same manner.

That said, alas, that is not society’s view on the matter. People freak out about herpes because the thought of contracting any STD is scary. Unfortunately, herpes is a virus, meaning it never leaves your body and there is no permanent “cure.”

But here’s the great news about herpes: it can’t kill you! It can’t cause sterilization! As far as the big scary STDs go, herpes is barely up there on the terror chart. So, take a few deep breaths and thank your lucky stars that little ol’ herpes is all you have to contend with.

I don’t know who I got herpes from. I don’t know if they had oral or genital herpes, because I have the less-common combo of HSV1 (usually oral), but the outbreaks occur genitally. This means that it is most likely that the person who passed the virus on to me had a cold sore (or the beginnings of one) on their lip. If they went down on me, the virus could have passed to me at that time.

What I do know is that I noticed a few red sores on my vagina, and I got really scared. The first outbreak is always the worst, and I felt pretty terrible. I had a fever for 1 day, and I went to the doctor as soon as I could. She prescribed a virus suppressant (in this case Acyclovir, but there are many brands of herpes medication), and in about a week the sores went away.

That didn’t stop me from feeling horrible. I was sure that my sex life was over. I was terrified of having to talk about this with future partners, sure that I would be seen as dirty and unworthy of love. I was a wreck. But then I got myself educated. I talked to doctors and friends, and found a lot of amazing resources. I learned a lot, so that I could be informed when I talked to guys about it. Little by little, I discovered that herpes is as common as having blond hair or something equally inconsequential. I was not alone.

Talking to guys about it was tough at first. I realized that I would no longer sleep with a guy on the first date. I chose my partners a little more carefully, because I had to have a serious talk with them first. So that was one positive effect of acquiring herpes! And, although the discussions were difficult to have, not one guy rejected me.

When I met Lance, I was, of course, nervous to tell him I had herpes. I was already in love before we’d slept together, and I felt I had more at stake. But he was in love too, and he was very sweet. He certainly wasn’t going to let that come between us and our burgeoning sex life. Then, a few days later, he complained about the cold sore he was getting on his lip. He said he’d always gotten cold sores, usually about twice a year.

I was like, “Lance! Why didn’t you tell me you got cold sores?!”

“What? Why?”

“Well, darling, that means you have herpes, too. And you can’t catch it from me. We’re all good!”

“Ooohhhh…”

So, even though I thought I’d explained my herpes to Lance, he still didn’t completely get the connection between oral and genital herpes, just like the majority of society. My mom had tried to comfort me when I first got herpes, telling me it was likely I’d find a partner with the same virus. I didn’t believe it would happen, but then it did. It could happen to you!

Want more info? Here’s the facts I find most imperative:

THE VIRUS

-The herpes virus lives in the nerves at the top or the base of your spine.

-This causes the sores to occur on your mouth area or genital area.

-HSV1 is usually oral

-HSV2 is usually genital

-But either simplex can be passed to either area, meaning a person with oral herpes can give another person herpes on their genitals, and vice versa.

-As far as I know, it is very very rare to have herpes in both locations in your body, or to have both simplex 1 and 2.

-Meaning, if you have one kind of herpes (oral or genital, HSV1 or HSV 2), you’re not going to get another kind.

OUTBREAKS

-Herpes is very contagious during outbreaks.

-Do not have sex that involves contact with herpes sores during an outbreak.

-If you have cold sores on your lips, do not give your partner oral sex or kiss on the mouth.

-If you have herpes blisters on your genital area, do not have sexual intercourse.

-Herpes can also be contracted during non-outbreak time, due to asymptomatic viral shedding. This doesn’t happen often, but you can get herpes even if symptoms aren’t visible. It’s rare, though.

-Over the years, the number of outbreaks you get will reduce.

HEALTH

-During a genital outbreak, keep the area clean and dry.

-Virus suppressant medication is available, either to take during outbreaks, or every day (depending on what you and your doctor decide).

-Avoid foods with the amino acid arginine, including chocolate, nuts, orange juice, and coffee (boo hoo hoo!)

-Take lysine supplements (good amino acid), and eat foods high in lysine

-STRESS is the #1 cause of herpes outbreaks; try to reduce stress in your life! I know, easier said than done, but it’s really true. I only get outbreaks when I’m super stressed.

RESOURCES

-Learn a lot! These sites really helped me:

-Genital herpes guide

http://www.webmd.com/genital-herpes/guide/default.htm

-Differences between HSV1 and HSV2

http://www.herpes.com/hsv1-2.html

-The Herpes Handbook

http://www.westoverheights.com/genital_herpes/handbook/downloadthehandbook/updatedherpeshandbookenglishedition-1.attachment/attachment2/herpes_handbook_TW_7-22-07.pdf

-Keeping positive

http://www.factly.com/Article/Keeping-Positive-Attitude-About-Herpes/102474

-The Office, Season 7 Episode 4 (“Sex Ed”). Michael get herpes, funny but insightful and informative episode.

-Savage Love podcast Episode 195. Dan Savage talks with Dr. Anna Kaminski of Planned Parenthood. Much of their discussions involve herpes.

Well, that was a lot. But it’s a subject I care a lot about, and I hope people can become better informed about herpes. At the end of the day, it’s not really that big of a deal. Millions of people have it and deal with it, and you can too.

Xoxo,

Lucy

28 December 34
sexsex adviceherpescoldsores
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Notes

  1. uncosmiclove reblogged this from gettingdowninchitown and added:
    Great, accurate info!
  2. jeffms reblogged this from gettingdowninchitown
  3. rwrimadinosaur reblogged this from gettingdowninchitown and added:
    posted this, but...still would not take...so lightly.....
  4. squirtin-for-certain reblogged this from gettingdowninchitown
  5. unselfconsciousnessfears reblogged this from gettingdowninchitown
  6. gettingdowninchitown posted this

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I'm Lucy. I live in Chicago and I like to talk about sex. Give me a topic: I'm happy to answer any questions about love, sex, and relationships. Email me at LucyRockwell@gmail.com


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