GUESTBREAKER: You Don’t Have Sheets On Your Bed
No, I am not going to have sex with you on a bare mattress because I am not a crack whore and this is not a shack with busted-out windows. You are an adult and this is actually a semi-decent apartment.
Where were you raised? I’m sure you had sheets on your bed as a child. Yet, somehow you lost the need for them along the way. Perhaps you started doing your own laundry in college, and decided it was too much work to wash your sheets and then return them to your mattress. Perhaps they were stolen from the laundry mat, or you made them into togas for parties and they never made it back home. In any case, where are they now?
I’ll tell you where they aren’t: covering your extra-long twin mattress, which is stained with bong water, and what I’m praying is barbeque sauce. It would appear that your mother didn’t raise you right, and I’m sure she would not appreciate knowing that that is the message you’re sending out to your lady visitors.
What’s that? You have something for the bed? Oh… oh no. That is a nylon sleeping bag from your boy scout days, and that is a damp bath towel. Those are not sheets, and they are really not a suitable substitute. Go to Target and buy some sheets. They’re like $20.A Guest Dealbreaker written by Lucy.
Source: dealbreaker
Notes
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leespeace reblogged this from gettingdowninchitown and added:
Okay, let me just say, that this definitely reminds me of the times I go over to Vee’s place. He would use a sleeping...
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foronceinyourlife reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:
christ. junior year of college. bw11. FML FML FML FML FML FML FML Nicole, get...tumblr. I...
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wambamsam reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:
Freshman year, we were astonished at how many people we met did...top sheet on their bed....
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loverage reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:
haaaaaaaaaahahahaha. beautiful
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fatamorganavision reblogged this from tropdetout and added:
EVEN CATS HAVE THE DECENCY
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alliegators reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:
i’m getting a new bed tomorrow…i’m currently laying
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jenni-rose reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:
IT’S SO TRUE. Although...female roommates who didn’t bother putting
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Life. Love. Lust.
I'm Lucy. I live in Chicago and I like to talk about sex. Give me a topic: I'm happy to answer any questions about love, sex, and relationships. Email me at LucyRockwell@gmail.com Follow @LucyRockwell
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