Ex Text

Last week I received a text from a guy I dated for a few months last year. The relationship (or “that time we dated a little bit” as I think of it) ended for various reasons, and we hadn’t spoken at all in, like, 6 months.

So, he asked me the usual questions: are you still in Chicago, how’s work, how’s your family and roommates, are you seeing anyone… I answered somewhat assholishly in one-word replies: yes, good, good, sometimes, you?… Maybe I was too flip with the guy, but the truth is I always felt like he liked me more than I liked him, which made me feel like a jerk. And that’s a lot of the reason I dumped him. And here I was being a jerk again.

This guy is quirky, to say the least. Many things about him are things I knew I could not abide for life, so I thought I’d just stick it out for a while and see where things went. Really, I stuck with it cause he’s kinky. Finding someone with a box of rope under the bed is somewhat rare, but this dude also had safety scissors in case you wanted the rope cut off right quick. He understood the need for and the power of a “safe word.” I was impressed by this guy. He had really thought through all the aspects of kinkdom, and I learned a lot about it through him. But, he had a septum piercing and he prayed to a pagan god before meals, so that was the end of that.

I suspected that the purpose of last week’s text was to send out some feelers as to whether I would jump back into bed with him. My suspicions were confirmed with his follow up to my asking, “you?” He says: “Just OFFICIALLY became “partnered” to one of my lovers. We’re going to give poly a serious try. VERY excited. VERY scary.”

Yeah. For real. C’mon! I mean, “partnered,” “lovers,” who talks like that?! And sends that info to an ex? Well, a guy who wants the ex (me, that is) to come have a poly-good-time (ha, just made that up. Get it? Poly, jolly…) with him and his partner. Is the partner even a guy or a girl? I’ll never know. Because my response was simply, “Wow! Good luck embarking on a new frontier.” He didn’t write back. And that was the end of that.

6 December 2