Gettin' Down in Chi-Town
Advice that May Be Hard to Take… Dear Lucy, Should I take it personally when a guy goes soft? Definitely not. I assume this question is from someone without a penis, and I also have no penis, so I’m going to have to answer this from a perspective sprinkled with things I’ve heard, not experienced directly. Nonetheless, I have definitely experienced partners going soft. This has happened with sorts of lovers- younger, older, new to me, or very familiar to my bedroom. Not that I’m saying that this is a common occurrence; usually guys stay hard while we’re messing around. But not always. From what I can tell, there are a plethora of reasons that a guy can lose his erection. The usual suspects are nervousness and intoxication. Don’t you, as a girl, get a little stage fright the first couple times you jump in bed with a new partner? How about when a regular partner wants to try something new that you’ve never done? Of course these things make you nervous. You have to be comfortable- physically and emotionally- to get wet or to have an orgasm. Now transfer these same conditions to a dude. I’d imagine that being nervous, and then maintaining the physical reaction (the erection) to sexual stimulation would be quite difficult. If all sorts of thoughts are running through your head, making you even more nervous, it could be a challenge to keep your mind on your dick. Does she like me? Do I look good? Does this feel good? Can I touch her here? Am I weird? Has she done this before? What if the condom breaks?… and there goes Woody. Then there’s inebriation. Every party guy knows (as do the party girls who love them) that too much to drink = no hard-on. Drugs have the same side effect, so I hear. Especially coke (Though I’ve never done that, or, to my knowledge, slept with someone who had. At least not that day). It’s just the way life is. So, while drinking and drugging can be a good time, don’t necessarily expect that good time to continue post-party. If you want to get it on for sure, drink in moderation so you and your man are ready to go. Did I mention that there’s a plethora of other reasons for a dude to go soft? Well here’s some more: Tiredness, stress, being sick, some medications, self-esteem, smoking, diet… the list goes on. Think about how all of the above items make you feel. Sometimes you’re tired, or sick, or stressed, and you just don’t feel like getting it on. These feelings can be the same for dudes. You’d probably feel terrible if your man took it personally that you didn’t feel like banging because you were exhausted. Even if you do feel a little hurt that your man is having trouble keepin ghard, for heaven’s sake don’t show it! Pouting or pestering him, “Is this my fault?? Why are you losing your hard-on? Why? WHY!?” will only make the situation worse.  Instead, switch the action in bed to another area. Maybe he could go down on you for a while, or you could just make out, or turn on some porn, or read erotica out loud to each other. Or perhaps he just needs to sleep, and you can resume in the morning. Xoxo, Lucy 

Advice that May Be Hard to Take…

Dear Lucy,

Should I take it personally when a guy goes soft?

Definitely not. I assume this question is from someone without a penis, and I also have no penis, so I’m going to have to answer this from a perspective sprinkled with things I’ve heard, not experienced directly. Nonetheless, I have definitely experienced partners going soft. This has happened with sorts of lovers- younger, older, new to me, or very familiar to my bedroom. Not that I’m saying that this is a common occurrence; usually guys stay hard while we’re messing around. But not always.

From what I can tell, there are a plethora of reasons that a guy can lose his erection. The usual suspects are nervousness and intoxication.

Don’t you, as a girl, get a little stage fright the first couple times you jump in bed with a new partner? How about when a regular partner wants to try something new that you’ve never done? Of course these things make you nervous. You have to be comfortable- physically and emotionally- to get wet or to have an orgasm. Now transfer these same conditions to a dude. I’d imagine that being nervous, and then maintaining the physical reaction (the erection) to sexual stimulation would be quite difficult. If all sorts of thoughts are running through your head, making you even more nervous, it could be a challenge to keep your mind on your dick. Does she like me? Do I look good? Does this feel good? Can I touch her here? Am I weird? Has she done this before? What if the condom breaks?… and there goes Woody.

Then there’s inebriation. Every party guy knows (as do the party girls who love them) that too much to drink = no hard-on. Drugs have the same side effect, so I hear. Especially coke (Though I’ve never done that, or, to my knowledge, slept with someone who had. At least not that day). It’s just the way life is. So, while drinking and drugging can be a good time, don’t necessarily expect that good time to continue post-party. If you want to get it on for sure, drink in moderation so you and your man are ready to go.

Did I mention that there’s a plethora of other reasons for a dude to go soft? Well here’s some more:

Tiredness, stress, being sick, some medications, self-esteem, smoking, diet… the list goes on.

Think about how all of the above items make you feel. Sometimes you’re tired, or sick, or stressed, and you just don’t feel like getting it on. These feelings can be the same for dudes. You’d probably feel terrible if your man took it personally that you didn’t feel like banging because you were exhausted.

Even if you do feel a little hurt that your man is having trouble keepin ghard, for heaven’s sake don’t show it! Pouting or pestering him, “Is this my fault?? Why are you losing your hard-on? Why? WHY!?” will only make the situation worse. 

Instead, switch the action in bed to another area. Maybe he could go down on you for a while, or you could just make out, or turn on some porn, or read erotica out loud to each other. Or perhaps he just needs to sleep, and you can resume in the morning.

Xoxo,

Lucy 

6 February 14
sexsex advicepeniseserection
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I'm Lucy. I live in Chicago and I like to talk about sex. Give me a topic: I'm happy to answer any questions about love, sex, and relationships. Email me at LucyRockwell@gmail.com


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