Sex Advice Relay: Spring Edition 2011
 
Happy St. Paddy’s Day! Things are always crazy on this night here in Chicago. It’s like Chicago’s Mardi Gras, for real. I’ve seen multiple trolleys driving about the city, packed with drunk Chads and Trixies, bagpipers on the roof. Rigoddamndiculous. So, no, I am not out partying. I am here, cozy at home, writing to you, my darlin’ wee lads and lassies.

I know it’s been an agonizing 10 days without a post, but I’ve been really swamped. Yeah what else is new? Well, something IS new, that’s a pretty big deal, but you’ll have to wait til my next post to hear about it. In the intervening time, here’s a bunch o’ questions to fill that empty space in your sex-advice hungry heart.

Dear Lucy,

I’m nineteen and I have just started kissing boys (and girls) but I have only had drunken hook-ups. For some reason I haven’t been turned on by any of them. Do you think I need a stronger emotional connection or just a sober one?

You probably need both. It’s real easy to get things started when you’re drinking- your inhibitions are lowered, you can act braver without as much worry, you can always pass off an embarrassing moment as a drunken mishap, or you can even pretend you don’t remember things that went down. If you have just started kissing people, you may not even know what being turned on is like! I would say to step back a bit. Work on getting to know people before making out, and go on some normal, sober dates. Then, once you’ve established that you have some sort of emotional connection with a person, you can move forward into kissy land. There, with a sober connection established, you just may find the horniness you’re searching for.

 
hi i have a question
i wanna lose my virginity w/o a condom, at least for the initial entry. i just feel that it would be best that way. of course, i would put one on afterwards. im just wondering is this safe? if he doesnt masturbate for a week beforehand, would it be okay for that first moment to use no condom? thanks in advance
 
I understand the first part of your question; it may feel more natural to have sex without a condom the first time. Condoms can be uncomfortable and hard to get used to. But, they are super necessary for safe sex. So, I would say that it would be a really really good idea to use one, even the first time. This depends a little on your situation, however. Who is the “he” that you’re planning to have sex with? If you are both virgins, then it would behoove you both to get tested for STDs before going very far sexually. You should also look into other forms of birth control besides condoms. If, AND ONLY IF, you both have a clean bill of health, and you are using a reliable birth control (like the pill, ring, or IUD), then you could consider sex without a condom.

As for the second half of your question, I have yet to figure out what you mean about your dude’s masturbation schedule. The amount your sexual partner masturbates has absolutely no bearing on the possibility of you getting pregnant or STDs from unprotected sex. Even if he does not masturbate for a week, you should still follow my advice above (getting tested and birth control, stat!). In fact, I think that NOT masturbating could actually cause more risk for you! Ejaculating clears your dude’s pipes of bacteria, which keeps his dick cleaner and less likely to transfer things to you. Also, he may be so pent up from the anticipation of having sex and not relieving himself, that he may be more likely to prematurely ejaculate. What I mean is, if all that sexual tension is building up inside him, then it is possible that he could splooge right at the first moment he enters you. And that is the opposite of what you want.

I know this is vague, but how can I get dates? I’m a somewhat attractive, 18 year old college student with no love life. I know it’s because I’m shy and not at all forward. How can I push myself to be a little more out there without it being forced or awkward?

You’re in college! This is the absolute perfect time for you to get out there. You’re 18, so I assume a freshman. Not sure what college you’re at, but some things are universal in universities: the social scene is poppin’ off. Check out the functions that your school sponsors: clubs, art classes, dances, mixers, study groups, sports, trips, the list goes on. Never will you have an experience like the beginning of college again, where there is a whole organizational structure just to say “Here! Have some friends!” Don’t necessarily go into a new group experience expecting to meet your romantic match right off the bat. Rather, think about just building friendships with new people who are into the same sorts of things as you. Start hanging with like-minded folks, and relationships will develop. Eventually, you may find a spark with a new friend, or get introduced to friends-of-friends that you hit it off with as well. It’ll be a little awkward at first, but take baby steps, and don’t pressure yourself too hard. Just take advantage of the opportunities that surround you whenever you can.

So there’s this guy at my school and he stares. He knows I stare too and I stare cause I’ve got a crush on him, and I don’t talk to him at all, but why does he stare and don’t do anything? Could it be that he has staring problems?

Uh, why do YOU stare and don’t do anything? If you’re staring at this crush-worthy dude, and he’s staring back, chances are he’s into you, too. Or maybe he just keeps catching you staring at him, and he thinks that YOU have a staring problem! Get up and talk to the guy, for cryin’ out loud.

xoxo, Lucy

17 March 7