Dear Lucy,

What is the best position to be in when giving a hand job?

The tough thing about giving a hand job is admitting that you will never give your dude a hand job that is as good as the one he gives himself. No matter how much you touch your lover’s penis, he’s been touching it for longer and more often than you, and he probably has his jerking off method down to a science. How fast, how slow, how much lube, where to touch, what motion; all these aspects of handjobbery differ per guy, so the most important thing is to realize that giving a great hand job will be a learning experience. Receivers: be vocal about what feels best, and be patient with your stroker. Givers: Listen to your lover, don’t get frustrated, and use lube!

Hand jobs are often used as foreplay, or you may like to switch between oral sex, stroking it, and intercourse, all within the same sexual experience. If you are planning to give a hand job from start to finish, with no oral or intercourse, and you want the end result to be your receiver having an orgasm, be prepared to put a lot of elbow grease into it. It is likely that your hand job could take longer to get him to come than it would be if he were just jerking himself off. Stroking for a long time can be tiring to your arms and hands. My guy friends claim that their jerking off arms have bigger muscles, and there could be some truth to it!

A word about lube: use it! Lube is great. I’ve heard of some guys who are against lube, thinking that is somehow emasculating to use it, or that it’s cheating. But no! Lube is your friend! And you can use so many substances for it: KY jelly, astroglide, olive oil, cocoa butter, Vaseline, saliva. Pour it on, ladies and gentlemen! It also helps to pour the lube into your hands first, so it warms to your skin a bit before rubbing it all over his cock. Also very important to note: DO NOT use oils or oil-based lubes if you are planning to use condoms for sex later. Oil can break down latex, causing a hole in a condom, which pretty much defeats the purpose. Water-based lubes are ideal for sexual experiences involving latex.

Now, onto my reader’s actual question; what position to be in? Talking to some dudes about this, I got a few ideas. One said that he likes to stand while his girl kneels in front of him or sits on a chair. The receiver can also lay down, with you laying or sitting beside him, or kneeling between his legs. One advantage of this position is that he would then get jizz on his own stomach, not on the sheets, which would be easier to clean up. Then there is always the sneaky side-by-side hand job, performed while sitting next to each other, blanket over laps, on the couch, at the movies, or at a concert, whatever. This type of hand job may not result in an orgasm due to the fear of getting caught, but it will certainly get you both all hot and ready for more when you get back to a more private location.

For stroking techniques, I loved the little videos on http://www.handjobadvice.com/ They demonstrate about twenty different methods, from the “Washing Machine” to the “Wild Butterfly,” that will take your man on an “express train to orgasm-town” (their phrase, not mine). To spice things up further, dirty talking helps. Also, make sure your man can see your sexy self. And eye contact is very hot, don’t be shy! Unless you’re using a blindfold, which is its own kind of hot.

Hope that helps. Stroke away, dear readers.

18 February 7