Gettin' Down in Chi-Town
Men and Masturbation Dear Lucy, Can a guy ever masturbate too much? Are there any health benefits to masturbating? I’ve praised masturbating in previous columns, but this is a subject that deserves its own special attention. Since these questions were asked by a guy, I’ll address him first, and dedicate a whole ‘nother post to female masturbation at a later date. OK, guys. I’ve got good news and bad news regarding self-love. The bad news: if you jerk it too much, you could grow hair on the palms of your hands, go blind, or lose your mind completely. The good news: that’s all scientifically proven bullshit, and if you grew up hearing these empty warnings, promptly put them out of your mind! The real good news: masturbation IS good for you (yesssss!). The physiological health benefits of spanking the monkey have been shown in many real-ass research studies (which I am not going to cite here, but feel free to google ‘em if you need further proof to justify your “me time,” fellas). -Ejaculating clears the prostate gland (if you don’t know what that is, get on it, man!), which can build resistance to prostate infection, and may even reduce the risk of getting prostate cancer. -Cleaning out the plumbing also keeps your semen healthy, and reduces the likelihood of other infections. -Stress relief! Beating your bishop releases endorphins, which make you happy and less stressed (bet you didn’t figure that one out yourself). Less stress make your whole body healthier and keeps your immune system going strong. -Shaking hands with the devil right before bedtime helps you fall asleep. Other benefits I will put in the “psychological” category, but there is crossover between the physical and mental benefits. -Stress relief, as I mentioned above. -Learning about your self. I’m not trying to sound like a self-help guru here, but it’s true. Saying hello to your little friend puts you in tune with your body, and helps you learn how much stimulation you need before the volcano erupts. If you practice stopping the explosion right before you come, you will have better control over yourself when you’re with a partner. That means you can last longer, and avoid premature ejaculation. And that’s good for you and your partner. -Taking the edge off. If you’re heading out on a date, polishing your helmet beforehand keeps your head in the game, as portrayed notoriously in “Something About Mary.” Just make sure you know where your jizz ends up at the end; don’t want to start the date off with an embarrassing situation. -Taking the edge off also helps if you are in a relationship. If your honey isn’t feelin’ up to it on some night(s), take care of yourself to give her/him a break. Then you’re satisfied and they’re off the hook; avoiding guilt, fights, weird feelings. And for the partners of men: don’t feel bad if he wants to whack off! It doesn’t mean you aren’t a great lay. Sometimes one or the other person in the relationship wants/needs more sexual release, and masturbating is a great way to take care of that. -For those not involved in relationships or dating or banging random folks, that’s OK too! Buffing the banana is the safest way to play, with no risk of giving or receiving STI’s, and no risk of knocking your girl up. That’s not to say that you should use masturbation as an excuse to never have sex, but in times between partners it’ll do you good. As for my reader’s first question, “Can a guy ever masturbate too much?” the answer is yes and no. If you are worried that you are going to break your dick and it’ll fall off, worry no longer. It ain’t gonna happen. The negative effects of mucho masturbation are a little more complicated than that. First of all, if spanking the salami is getting in the way of important things in your life, it may be time to consider bringing your rubbing routine down a couple notches. What I mean by this is that masturbation should not be affecting your job or relationships with friends/family/coworkers. If because of masturbating, you are showing up late to work, calling in sick, or not getting your work done, consider a lifestyle change that allows you to work hard, and keep the playing hard for off-hours or bedtime. The same holds true for your social scene; if you avoid going out with friends and fam in order to stay home with Johnson or Peter (or whatever his name is), put him in your pants for the night and go out and have fun with real people that aren’t attached to your body. Don’t worry, he’ll be waiting for you when you get home. While jacking it can help control your orgasms, it can also effect your ability to have them if you do it too much in the same way. Vary the game by switching hand position, lubes, the type of porn you watch, the type of sock/glove/plastic bag/baseball mitt you are sheathing the sword in. If you get too used to a specific method of making yourself come, it could be difficult make it happen when you’re in somebody else’s hand/mouth/pussy/booty/other orifice. Alright, that’s a lot of info. Hope it helped. And I hope you enjoyed all the euphemisms for pounding the flounder along the way. xoxo, Lucy Your favorite terms for masturbation, guys?

Men and Masturbation

Dear Lucy,

Can a guy ever masturbate too much? Are there any health benefits to masturbating?

I’ve praised masturbating in previous columns, but this is a subject that deserves its own special attention. Since these questions were asked by a guy, I’ll address him first, and dedicate a whole ‘nother post to female masturbation at a later date.

OK, guys. I’ve got good news and bad news regarding self-love. The bad news: if you jerk it too much, you could grow hair on the palms of your hands, go blind, or lose your mind completely. The good news: that’s all scientifically proven bullshit, and if you grew up hearing these empty warnings, promptly put them out of your mind!

The real good news: masturbation IS good for you (yesssss!).

The physiological health benefits of spanking the monkey have been shown in many real-ass research studies (which I am not going to cite here, but feel free to google ‘em if you need further proof to justify your “me time,” fellas).

-Ejaculating clears the prostate gland (if you don’t know what that is, get on it, man!), which can build resistance to prostate infection, and may even reduce the risk of getting prostate cancer.

-Cleaning out the plumbing also keeps your semen healthy, and reduces the likelihood of other infections.

-Stress relief! Beating your bishop releases endorphins, which make you happy and less stressed (bet you didn’t figure that one out yourself). Less stress make your whole body healthier and keeps your immune system going strong.

-Shaking hands with the devil right before bedtime helps you fall asleep.

Other benefits I will put in the “psychological” category, but there is crossover between the physical and mental benefits.

-Stress relief, as I mentioned above.

-Learning about your self. I’m not trying to sound like a self-help guru here, but it’s true. Saying hello to your little friend puts you in tune with your body, and helps you learn how much stimulation you need before the volcano erupts. If you practice stopping the explosion right before you come, you will have better control over yourself when you’re with a partner. That means you can last longer, and avoid premature ejaculation. And that’s good for you and your partner.

-Taking the edge off. If you’re heading out on a date, polishing your helmet beforehand keeps your head in the game, as portrayed notoriously in “Something About Mary.” Just make sure you know where your jizz ends up at the end; don’t want to start the date off with an embarrassing situation.

-Taking the edge off also helps if you are in a relationship. If your honey isn’t feelin’ up to it on some night(s), take care of yourself to give her/him a break. Then you’re satisfied and they’re off the hook; avoiding guilt, fights, weird feelings. And for the partners of men: don’t feel bad if he wants to whack off! It doesn’t mean you aren’t a great lay. Sometimes one or the other person in the relationship wants/needs more sexual release, and masturbating is a great way to take care of that.

-For those not involved in relationships or dating or banging random folks, that’s OK too! Buffing the banana is the safest way to play, with no risk of giving or receiving STI’s, and no risk of knocking your girl up. That’s not to say that you should use masturbation as an excuse to never have sex, but in times between partners it’ll do you good.

As for my reader’s first question, “Can a guy ever masturbate too much?” the answer is yes and no. If you are worried that you are going to break your dick and it’ll fall off, worry no longer. It ain’t gonna happen. The negative effects of mucho masturbation are a little more complicated than that.

First of all, if spanking the salami is getting in the way of important things in your life, it may be time to consider bringing your rubbing routine down a couple notches. What I mean by this is that masturbation should not be affecting your job or relationships with friends/family/coworkers. If because of masturbating, you are showing up late to work, calling in sick, or not getting your work done, consider a lifestyle change that allows you to work hard, and keep the playing hard for off-hours or bedtime.

The same holds true for your social scene; if you avoid going out with friends and fam in order to stay home with Johnson or Peter (or whatever his name is), put him in your pants for the night and go out and have fun with real people that aren’t attached to your body. Don’t worry, he’ll be waiting for you when you get home.

While jacking it can help control your orgasms, it can also effect your ability to have them if you do it too much in the same way. Vary the game by switching hand position, lubes, the type of porn you watch, the type of sock/glove/plastic bag/baseball mitt you are sheathing the sword in. If you get too used to a specific method of making yourself come, it could be difficult make it happen when you’re in somebody else’s hand/mouth/pussy/booty/other orifice.

Alright, that’s a lot of info. Hope it helped. And I hope you enjoyed all the euphemisms for pounding the flounder along the way.

xoxo, Lucy

Your favorite terms for masturbation, guys?

15 March 51
sexmasturbationsex advice
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Notes

  1. blessongeorge reblogged this from gettingdowninchitown and added:
    blog. i don’t see...posts from her anymore though
  2. buzzranger1 reblogged this from gettingdowninchitown
  3. canttakethatfromme reblogged this from gettingdowninchitown
  4. extraordinaryshe reblogged this from bigfun and added:
    Well guys, how are you feeling now, huh? XD
  5. bigfun reblogged this from sexsideoflife and added:
    gettingdowninchitown: Men and Masturbation
  6. jdchillen reblogged this from gettingdowninchitown
  7. sexsideoflife reblogged this from gettingdowninchitown
  8. crapinella answered: polishing the rocket
  9. nellvoss answered: I don’t know about favorites, but have you seen posters for “how to train your dragon?”
  10. shinoto answered: “Yo what are you up to!” “Just Chillin”
  11. gettingdowninchitown posted this

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I'm Lucy. I live in Chicago and I like to talk about sex. Give me a topic: I'm happy to answer any questions about love, sex, and relationships. Email me at LucyRockwell@gmail.com


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