Gettin' Down in Chi-Town
Zodiac Sex Positions Review- Installment 4Your year of astrological sex adventures ends here, with the fourth and final installment of my Sex Position Reviews based on my awesome blacklight poster from college. So, smoke a bowl, light some candles, and I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon…LIBRA (September 23-October 23)- “Professional”I have been anticipating reviewing this position for ages; I’m a Libra, and I’d say The Professional is certainly worthy of being my zodiac sign’s signature sex position. Well, that’s only valid if the dude performing The Professional is indeed a professional. There’s nothing worse than receiving boring, sloppy, ineffective, unprofessional head. Luckily, Poster Dude seems to know what he’s doing. Poster Girl is straddling Dude’s face, with her head thrown back in ecstasy. He’s got his hands on her boobs too, providing even more stimulation to his lady (and perhaps more support; if she’s wriggling around a lot, she may need the assistance of a human bra). “Well done!” I say to Guy on Poster, and to any other Professionals out there that know how to pleasure their woman right.SCORPIO (October 23-November 22)- “Cautious”Good ol’ 69. Who doesn’t love a little mutual oral time? Great fun for everyone. I’m going to go out on a limb here, and say that the 69 is called “cautious” because both parties can enjoy this sexual act, while being at less risk for pregnancy and some STI’s. So, check out how wonderfully cautious Poster Couple is being! I think it’s hard to actually achieve an orgasm while 69ing, because, while it feels good to you, you also have to concentrate on making your partner feel good. This is great for long periods of warming up with teasing and foreplay, or for couples that don’t do peen-vag penetration at all. Also totally awesome for same-sex couples. Let’s face it, everyone can afford to be more “cautious.”SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 22)- “Active”If Poster Guy was standing in this picture, I’d say this looks like one of those tear-jerking scenes from a movie where lovers are reunited in a train station, and the girl just leaps into the boy’s arms, wrapping her legs around him! But, he’s not standing there holding a suitcase, so we can assume that Poster Couple is attempting yet another weird and seemingly pointless sex position. I think this is called “active” because neither lover can just lay there lazily while doing it Sagittarius style. The girl’s gotta hold on for dear life, and the guy’s gotta hold her up, while both of them try to make thrusting movements without collapsing. To achieve this position practically, I would suggest that the guy stand up, with the girl’s back against a wall. Or you could rest her booty on the bed or the kitchen counter, allowing for you both to move without worrying about dropping her/being dropped. But trying this with the dude kneeling? Forget it.Check out the archive for the first 3 Zodiac Reviews. Please note, all positions can really be performed at any time of year. In fact, you should all do that. Go, have sex, try new stuff! Let me know what works for you, and what doesn’t. Xoxo, Lucy

Zodiac Sex Positions Review- Installment 4

Your year of astrological sex adventures ends here, with the fourth and final installment of my Sex Position Reviews based on my awesome blacklight poster from college. So, smoke a bowl, light some candles, and I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon…

LIBRA (September 23-October 23)- “Professional”
I have been anticipating reviewing this position for ages; I’m a Libra, and I’d say The Professional is certainly worthy of being my zodiac sign’s signature sex position. Well, that’s only valid if the dude performing The Professional is indeed a professional. There’s nothing worse than receiving boring, sloppy, ineffective, unprofessional head. Luckily, Poster Dude seems to know what he’s doing. Poster Girl is straddling Dude’s face, with her head thrown back in ecstasy. He’s got his hands on her boobs too, providing even more stimulation to his lady (and perhaps more support; if she’s wriggling around a lot, she may need the assistance of a human bra). “Well done!” I say to Guy on Poster, and to any other Professionals out there that know how to pleasure their woman right.

SCORPIO (October 23-November 22)- “Cautious”
Good ol’ 69. Who doesn’t love a little mutual oral time? Great fun for everyone. I’m going to go out on a limb here, and say that the 69 is called “cautious” because both parties can enjoy this sexual act, while being at less risk for pregnancy and some STI’s. So, check out how wonderfully cautious Poster Couple is being! I think it’s hard to actually achieve an orgasm while 69ing, because, while it feels good to you, you also have to concentrate on making your partner feel good. This is great for long periods of warming up with teasing and foreplay, or for couples that don’t do peen-vag penetration at all. Also totally awesome for same-sex couples. Let’s face it, everyone can afford to be more “cautious.”

SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 22)- “Active”
If Poster Guy was standing in this picture, I’d say this looks like one of those tear-jerking scenes from a movie where lovers are reunited in a train station, and the girl just leaps into the boy’s arms, wrapping her legs around him! But, he’s not standing there holding a suitcase, so we can assume that Poster Couple is attempting yet another weird and seemingly pointless sex position. I think this is called “active” because neither lover can just lay there lazily while doing it Sagittarius style. The girl’s gotta hold on for dear life, and the guy’s gotta hold her up, while both of them try to make thrusting movements without collapsing. To achieve this position practically, I would suggest that the guy stand up, with the girl’s back against a wall. Or you could rest her booty on the bed or the kitchen counter, allowing for you both to move without worrying about dropping her/being dropped. But trying this with the dude kneeling? Forget it.


Check out the archive for the first 3 Zodiac Reviews. Please note, all positions can really be performed at any time of year. In fact, you should all do that. Go, have sex, try new stuff! Let me know what works for you, and what doesn’t.

Xoxo, Lucy

21 March 19
sexsex adiveastrologyZodiaclibrascorpiosagittarius
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I'm Lucy. I live in Chicago and I like to talk about sex. Give me a topic: I'm happy to answer any questions about love, sex, and relationships. Email me at LucyRockwell@gmail.com


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