Don’t Try to Cheat On Your Girlfriend With Me

I know, I’m usually all about the clever titles. But I want my message to be clear. The above picture inspired me to write the following on the subject…

Sometimes guys are such dogs. Recently I had the experience of two different guys trying to cheat on their girlfriends with me. One was a serious ex-boyfriend of mine, and the other was just a dude I used to fuck (coincidentally, the three of us had quite a few threesomes, back in the day). I saw both of these men on different occasions, and in both situations, things went well at first. They were sweet and friendly, and I didn’t feel awkward, despite our sordid histories.

I knew that both of these guys have girlfriends. Needless to say, neither girlfriend was present. The ex-lover didn’t actually mention his lady at all, but other friends had told me about her. The ex-boyfriend definitely talked about his lady with me, telling me about their happy relationship. I was feeling pretty proud of myself for not having jealousy or sadness about her, too.

Then, in their own distinct ways, both of these dudes tried to get me to mess around with them. Ex-lover was wasted at the time, not that that is an excuse. So was I, which impaired my judgment enough to flirt with the guy a bit during a party. But I never planned to let it get farther than that, and thankfully I was lucid enough to resist his not-so-subtle advances (this is the guy who literally tried to pull me into a vacant bedroom after the party).

The ex-boyfriend struggled with his feelings for me, I know he did. And so did I. Yeah, it felt good in some ways to know that he’s still majorly attracted to me. But I have worked WAY too hard on getting over this guy to just throw it all away on one sunny, silly afternoon. We had coffee and talked and walked around the park. There were some of those classic looking-at-each-other-while-silently-battling-the-feelings-inside moments. He told me that my blowjobs are better than his current gf’s (which, again, I was kinda glad to hear, but he probably shouldn’t have told me). Then he asked me to give him one, right then and there.

“Uh, aren’t you and your girlfriend monogamous?” I asked

“Well, yeah,” he replied. “But it’s YOU!”

“You really don’t want to do this,” I said, taking the mother-fucking high road, hard as it was.

A couple other similar exchanges occurred during our afternoon together, and I am, again, super grateful that we don’t live in the same city anymore. That would only mean drama, accidents, hurt feelings galore.

So, I’m not saying all this to brag about my out-of-control sex appeal. I’m genuinely pissed, actually. Sure, I’ve done some dumb things in the past, hooking up with people who have a partner back home that would not be pleased. But I’ve come to a place where I don’t think it’s worth it to risk those friendships with the men, and risk having the wrath of a spurned girlfriend come down on me later.

I have enough trouble as it is with my platonic guy-friends with whom I have no sexual chemistry; their girlfriends rarely like me, or feel comfortable with my friendships with their men. It’s really frustrating. I’m not about to piss off the girlfriend of a guy that I actually do have chemistry with. I’m growing up. I’m trying to be an ethical slut.

Rod, my best guy friend, is friends with both of these promiscuous gentlemen I recently re-encountered. Rod and I are currently going through the other type of situation I just mentioned, wherein his lady feels weird about our friendship, even though he and I have no sexiness going on between us. So I was a little nervous to tell him about the incidents with each of the dudes who tried to mack on me, worried he’d see it as my fault for some reason. But he was totally pissed at the guys, too.

As Rod said, “Naw, Lucy, you’re good. You did the right thing, batting exes off left and right! They’re dirty, dirty dogs.”

Thanks, buddy.

Xoxo, Lucy

18 July 6