Gettin' Down in Chi-Town
Lucy Rockwell: Stark Raving Single. I have about five quadrillion friends getting married in the coming year. My fridge is plastered with invitations and save-the-dates (which my cousin refers to as “STDs,” a euphemism I find inappropriate, being a sex writer…). I’m 27 and stark raving single, and nowhere near the possibility of getting married, which is totally OK with me. My life is great, I’m doing the things I want to do and living the way I want to live. But I’m not gonna lie: with my friends and peers getting hitched all around me, it’s hard not to think and talk about marriage semi-constantly. One such conversation happened with my roommate, April, last night. We were discussing people who get engaged after dating their significant other for only a few months, and whether it’s possible to be that sure of your relationship that soon. My relationships have either been long and committed, spanning several years, or short and sweet, with a low degree of commitment (at least in my mind). But I think any type of relationship evolves and changes enormously as the months and years go by. You learn new things about each other constantly, gradually revealing your habits and your histories. Thinking back, it amazes me how different each year of my LTRs was. Deciding to get married within the first year of any relationship is not something I can fathom. It’s a well known, physiological fact that the first year with a new partner is the peaches and cream. That twitterpated feeling where you just LOVE a person, and have not yet discovered their faults, is a once in a lifetime event. The real test comes later, when the dark and dirty secrets of your partner begin to surface. The question becomes not ‘can you love them?’ but ‘can the love stay when the challenges begin?’ I haven’t let myself get deep into a relationship for nearly 3 years. There are several reasons for this: my last long-ass relationship was really long, it started when I was young and naïve, and I wanted to experience being a young adult while leaving my options open. Sometimes I’ve been lonely, sometimes I’ve dated for awhile, and sometimes I just reveled in being single and how uncomplicated it makes my life. I have lots of friends to see, places to be, and artsy stuff to work on, and I really don’t have time for a boyfriend. So right now, I’m not even looking for a dude. But sometimes I wonder if I actually have a fear of commitment. Cliché, yes. But I think it may be true. My parents had a messy and traumatizing divorce when I was around 10. Although our family relationships are patched up now, this major event during my childhood has helped to form my beliefs about love and relationships. I am super cautious of getting in too deep, too fast. I don’t want to let myself fall for someone, only to be burned. My parents got married super young, which later proved to be not the best decision for them. Thus, one of the major reasons that Will and I broke up 3 years ago was because I didn’t want to be stuck in a relationship without experiencing other things while we were still young. So, yeah, deciding to marry someone will take a long time for me. Many people see marriage as the ultimate declaration of love for their partner: “We love each other, and to prove how much we love each other, we’re going to try to stick it out forever!” I say, why rush into that commitment when you don’t know if it can last? Sure, I want to get married some day. I have those girly fantasies of the dress and the flowers and the whole big party. But when I get married, I want it to be after 4 or 5 years of being with my loved one. I want our declaration to be something like: “We tried it, we liked it, now we’re ready to say that we can do this for a long, long time!” No, I’m not jealous of all my marrying friends. I’m supportive, but I’m dubious. I’m certainly not going to voice my doubts directly to them, because I love them and I want them to be happy. I like weddings, and I’m stoked to help plan the events and stock my closet with bridesmaid dresses. I just don’t think I can declare my long-term love intentions without a lot of practice. Not to mention that I don’t believe in monogamy, but that’s a subject for another day… Xoxo, Lucy

Lucy Rockwell: Stark Raving Single.

I have about five quadrillion friends getting married in the coming year. My fridge is plastered with invitations and save-the-dates (which my cousin refers to as “STDs,” a euphemism I find inappropriate, being a sex writer…). I’m 27 and stark raving single, and nowhere near the possibility of getting married, which is totally OK with me. My life is great, I’m doing the things I want to do and living the way I want to live. But I’m not gonna lie: with my friends and peers getting hitched all around me, it’s hard not to think and talk about marriage semi-constantly.

One such conversation happened with my roommate, April, last night. We were discussing people who get engaged after dating their significant other for only a few months, and whether it’s possible to be that sure of your relationship that soon. My relationships have either been long and committed, spanning several years, or short and sweet, with a low degree of commitment (at least in my mind). But I think any type of relationship evolves and changes enormously as the months and years go by. You learn new things about each other constantly, gradually revealing your habits and your histories. Thinking back, it amazes me how different each year of my LTRs was. Deciding to get married within the first year of any relationship is not something I can fathom.

It’s a well known, physiological fact that the first year with a new partner is the peaches and cream. That twitterpated feeling where you just LOVE a person, and have not yet discovered their faults, is a once in a lifetime event. The real test comes later, when the dark and dirty secrets of your partner begin to surface. The question becomes not ‘can you love them?’ but ‘can the love stay when the challenges begin?’

I haven’t let myself get deep into a relationship for nearly 3 years. There are several reasons for this: my last long-ass relationship was really long, it started when I was young and naïve, and I wanted to experience being a young adult while leaving my options open. Sometimes I’ve been lonely, sometimes I’ve dated for awhile, and sometimes I just reveled in being single and how uncomplicated it makes my life. I have lots of friends to see, places to be, and artsy stuff to work on, and I really don’t have time for a boyfriend. So right now, I’m not even looking for a dude.

But sometimes I wonder if I actually have a fear of commitment. Cliché, yes. But I think it may be true. My parents had a messy and traumatizing divorce when I was around 10. Although our family relationships are patched up now, this major event during my childhood has helped to form my beliefs about love and relationships. I am super cautious of getting in too deep, too fast. I don’t want to let myself fall for someone, only to be burned. My parents got married super young, which later proved to be not the best decision for them. Thus, one of the major reasons that Will and I broke up 3 years ago was because I didn’t want to be stuck in a relationship without experiencing other things while we were still young.

So, yeah, deciding to marry someone will take a long time for me. Many people see marriage as the ultimate declaration of love for their partner: “We love each other, and to prove how much we love each other, we’re going to try to stick it out forever!” I say, why rush into that commitment when you don’t know if it can last? Sure, I want to get married some day. I have those girly fantasies of the dress and the flowers and the whole big party. But when I get married, I want it to be after 4 or 5 years of being with my loved one. I want our declaration to be something like: “We tried it, we liked it, now we’re ready to say that we can do this for a long, long time!”

No, I’m not jealous of all my marrying friends. I’m supportive, but I’m dubious. I’m certainly not going to voice my doubts directly to them, because I love them and I want them to be happy. I like weddings, and I’m stoked to help plan the events and stock my closet with bridesmaid dresses. I just don’t think I can declare my long-term love intentions without a lot of practice.

Not to mention that I don’t believe in monogamy, but that’s a subject for another day…

Xoxo, Lucy

14 August 30
sexlovedatingsingle
Comments
blog comments powered by Disqus

Notes

  1. siriia reblogged this from gettingdowninchitown
  2. purrravi reblogged this from gettingdowninchitown
  3. thebes reblogged this from gettingdowninchitown
  4. slamminsammyg reblogged this from gettingdowninchitown
  5. mikezilla14 reblogged this from gettingdowninchitown
  6. gettingdowninchitown posted this

← Previous Post Next Post →

Life. Love. Lust.

I'm Lucy. I live in Chicago and I like to talk about sex. Give me a topic: I'm happy to answer any questions about love, sex, and relationships. Email me at LucyRockwell@gmail.com


Ask me anything about sex and love! Submit

Ask