Gettin' Down in Chi-Town
One Night Stands: The Aftermath Dear Lucy, I’m new to the casual sex game, and I’m also socially inept. What’s the next step after the nasty has been done, in the situation of a one night stand? The next step depends on whether or not you want this experience to become a more-than-one-night-stand. For those who may not know, a one night stand generally refers to a night of casual sex that does not develop into something more. My one night stands have usually been with friends (and in the morning we were like, “Whoa, we’re friends. This should not happen again.”) or with near-strangers/acquaintances (and in the morning I was like, “Whoa, that was kinda fun but kinda stupid. This should not happen again.”). This is not to say that a one night stand cannot turn into something greater: I reconnected with my first one night stand partner half a year after our night of drunken lust, and it ended up becoming my longest relationship to this date. If the guy/gal you hooked up with is someone you’d like to see again, then communicate with them. There’s this old school “three day rule” that some people talk about, as in you should wait for 3 days after a first date (or first bangin’) to call the person you got it on with. I don’t think this is necessary- if you had a good time, chances are that your lover would like to know that. They could very well be sitting there wondering if they should wait 3 days to call you, as well. I’ve had a couple guys call or text me the next day to say hello and thank you and that was fun, and I’ve appreciated it (even if I didn’t want to do it again). In these technological days of ours, texting seems to be the norm, more than calling on the phone. I see pros and cons to this. Texting is quick and easy and useful to send a quick message when you don’t have time for a real phone call. But it can also be used as a way to hide. You can’t hear the voice of the person you’re communicating with, and they can’t hear yours. It’s really easy to break if off with someone over text, because you don’t have to hear their sadness or disappointment or anger. This is a shitty way to reject someone, not to say I’m not guilty of it on occasion… Anyway, if you wanna see your new friend again, shoot ‘em a text or give them a call. Simple as that. They may respond favorably, and then you can go on having fun with them. Or they might have regarded the whole thing as a strictly one night deal, in which case it’s good for you to know that sooner rather than later. I think it’s totally OK to want to know what the other person thinks about your potential future- spare yourself many wasted hours of wondering and waiting. If you don’t want to hook up with your one night stander again, then the next step is… Well, nothing! That’s the beauty of casual sex. You don’t have to call that person again if you don’t want to. Unless you get pregnant or acquire an STI. In which case you most definitely should communicate with them. In fact, you might want to get tested anyhow, if you’re hazy on this other guy/gal’s sexual history. And if they call you looking for more and you’re not into it, just tell them so. Ignoring the person is mean and unfair, so suck it up, be a grown up and answer the phone/text with the truth: it was fun, but you don’t want it to go beyond that one crazy night. Xoxo, Lucy

One Night Stands: The Aftermath

Dear Lucy,

I’m new to the casual sex game, and I’m also socially inept. What’s the next step after the nasty has been done, in the situation of a one night stand?

The next step depends on whether or not you want this experience to become a more-than-one-night-stand. For those who may not know, a one night stand generally refers to a night of casual sex that does not develop into something more.

My one night stands have usually been with friends (and in the morning we were like, “Whoa, we’re friends. This should not happen again.”) or with near-strangers/acquaintances (and in the morning I was like, “Whoa, that was kinda fun but kinda stupid. This should not happen again.”). This is not to say that a one night stand cannot turn into something greater: I reconnected with my first one night stand partner half a year after our night of drunken lust, and it ended up becoming my longest relationship to this date.

If the guy/gal you hooked up with is someone you’d like to see again, then communicate with them. There’s this old school “three day rule” that some people talk about, as in you should wait for 3 days after a first date (or first bangin’) to call the person you got it on with. I don’t think this is necessary- if you had a good time, chances are that your lover would like to know that. They could very well be sitting there wondering if they should wait 3 days to call you, as well. I’ve had a couple guys call or text me the next day to say hello and thank you and that was fun, and I’ve appreciated it (even if I didn’t want to do it again).

In these technological days of ours, texting seems to be the norm, more than calling on the phone. I see pros and cons to this. Texting is quick and easy and useful to send a quick message when you don’t have time for a real phone call. But it can also be used as a way to hide. You can’t hear the voice of the person you’re communicating with, and they can’t hear yours. It’s really easy to break if off with someone over text, because you don’t have to hear their sadness or disappointment or anger. This is a shitty way to reject someone, not to say I’m not guilty of it on occasion…

Anyway, if you wanna see your new friend again, shoot ‘em a text or give them a call. Simple as that. They may respond favorably, and then you can go on having fun with them. Or they might have regarded the whole thing as a strictly one night deal, in which case it’s good for you to know that sooner rather than later. I think it’s totally OK to want to know what the other person thinks about your potential future- spare yourself many wasted hours of wondering and waiting.

If you don’t want to hook up with your one night stander again, then the next step is… Well, nothing! That’s the beauty of casual sex. You don’t have to call that person again if you don’t want to. Unless you get pregnant or acquire an STI. In which case you most definitely should communicate with them. In fact, you might want to get tested anyhow, if you’re hazy on this other guy/gal’s sexual history.

And if they call you looking for more and you’re not into it, just tell them so. Ignoring the person is mean and unfair, so suck it up, be a grown up and answer the phone/text with the truth: it was fun, but you don’t want it to go beyond that one crazy night.

Xoxo, Lucy

22 August 33
sexsex adviceone night stand
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I'm Lucy. I live in Chicago and I like to talk about sex. Give me a topic: I'm happy to answer any questions about love, sex, and relationships. Email me at LucyRockwell@gmail.com


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