Gettin' Down in Chi-Town

Hot Fun in the Summertime… (it’s about to be...

Sun, 27 May 2012 10:48:29 -0500

Hot Fun in the Summertime…

(it’s about to be reeealll hot around these parts today…)

But freedom, liberty, is an attribute of the soul and it may...

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 20:01:07 -0500

But freedom, liberty, is an attribute of the soul and it may exist even when the body is in bondage.

~Ralph A. Cram

Won’t You Take Me To… KINKYTOWN?(A Series on Kinky Sex by...

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 21:00:06 -0500

Won’t You Take Me To… KINKYTOWN?
(A Series on Kinky Sex by Lucy Rockwell)

Episode 2, part B: Setting the Ground Rules for a Fun, Safe, Kinky Sex Life

Ideas for Rules About BDSM
BDSM is an acronym for several things: bondage & discipline, dominance & submission, sadism & masochism. I’m not going to get too deep into the details of what all these sexual acts entail, but chances are that if you’re kinky, you’re somehow involved in at least a little bit of BDSM.

Rules for BDSM are particularly important because BDSM can be painful, and can even border on the dangerous. If you’re new to BDSM, staarrrttt sssllllooowww. You’ve got all the time in the world to get all crazy kinky up in there. Don’t rush into anything new; discuss it with your partner, and make a game plan. All along the way, stick to the sex rules you make together. The rules can change as the game changes, just be sure to check in with each other about changes often (preferably outside of a sexual situation, wherein y’all’s judgement is not impaired by lust).

Consider the following for BDSM rules:

-What will our safe word be? Safe words are necessary for any BDSM play (see my last post about safe words)
-What kind of bondage gear will we use?
-What if the rope/cuffs are too tight? (Hint: COMMUNICATE. I once had my hand go numb for 3 days cause I didn’t tell someone about a too tight rope. Dumb.)
-How can I physically get out of a bondage situation if needed? (scissors nearby are helpful)
-How much pain is too much?
-What if my feelings are hurt, even though I know we’re playing pretend?

Remember, these are just some general guidelines for the sorts of things you and your partner should discuss for a safe and happy kinky sex life. You may not need to consider all the things I mentioned, or you may need to be much more specific and detailed. It’s really all about your own relationships, and what makes you feel good.
—
Next time on Kinkytown…

Ideas for Rules About Multiple Partners

xoxo,

Lucy

Won’t You Take Me To… KINKYTOWN?(A Series on Kinky Sex by...

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 20:59:34 -0500

Won’t You Take Me To… KINKYTOWN?
(A Series on Kinky Sex by Lucy Rockwell)

Episode 2: Setting the Ground Rules for a Fun, Safe, Kinky Sex Life

Let’s assume that you, the reader, have accepted that you are, to some degree, kinky. If you’re not quite sure what that means, that’s OK! (I wrote about the definition of kink here). Perhaps you just know that you’re ready to venture out of the norm, to add some sprinkles onto your vanilla. In short, it’s time to ACT.

Whether you are with a regular, long-term partner, or you’re meeting up with strangers at rest stops, or anywhere inbetween, it is imperative to set ground rules for your kinky sex life. First, some rules about rules:

The Universal Rules About Rules About Sex:

Rules must be decided upon before sex is engaged in.
Rules must be agreed upon by all parties involved in the sexy-time.
If a rule is broken, sex play stops immediately, and a discussion begins.
Rules can be changed, but not in the heat of the moment.

If you and your partner are not willing to abide by the above universal rules, it will not be possible to have a truly safe and healthy kinky relationship and lifestyle. Rules are there to protect you and your partner(s), and to make sure that there are possibilities for growth and development of your relationship. And mostly so that you’re all having super fun times, without worry!

Now that you’ve agreed to the Universal Rules, you and your partner get to make your own! I don’t know exactly what you’re into, so I can’t give you everything, but I sure can give you some ideas…

Ideas for Rules About Communication:
If you know anything about me, you know that I’m constantly harping on my sex-loving fans to communicate more. Almost every difficult sexual situation can be improved upon if folks just talk to each other! So, when you and your lovah (here on referred to as “WE”) enter Kinkytown, set up some guidelines about good old communicash.

-Decide whether or not we will discuss sexy stuff with each other on the internet, phone, text, IM, etc. Can other people see this stuff? What about photos?
-Can we talk about our sex lives with other people? Friends? Coworkers?
-Can we have dirty/sexy talk with other people? Friends, fuck-buddies, strangers?

In the bedroom…
-When and how can I tell you what sexual things I like?
-How should I respond when you tell me what you like?
-Is every night kinky night? Should we mix it up?

Safe words…
-What is our safe word? (You will use this word during sexy time whenever one partner wants to stop whatever is going on. Don’t choose a word like “no” or “stop,” because those words might be fun to role play with!)
-When a safe word is used, what happens? (I highly suggest STOPPING all activoty immediately, and discussing what happened. What was too much/ too weird/ too painful? Do not resume play until you’ve hashed it out comfortably.)

-What if I can’t talk because I have a gag in my mouth? (I suggest having at least one had free to ring a bell, or some sort of noisemaker, that you’ve placed accessibly nearby.)

In public…
-How physical should we get in public?
-What if I’m not into what you’re doing in public?
-What if I want to pull you into some dark corner and have my way with you?
-Can we invent some secretive signals/ code words to communicate secretly about kinky stuff with each other while we’re in public? (Ooh! Fun!)

—
Tomorrow: Kinkytown continues with…

Ideas for Rules About BDSM

xoxo,

Lucy

"Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken."

Sun, 08 Apr 2012 21:20:50 -0500

~ Anonymous

"Just because I’m kinky doesn’t mean I’m easy."

Tue, 03 Apr 2012 21:23:27 -0500

“Just because I’m kinky doesn’t mean I’m easy.” - ~Anonymous

Won’t You Take Me To… KINKYTOWN?!(A New Series on Kinky...

Thu, 29 Mar 2012 19:06:42 -0500

Won’t You Take Me To… KINKYTOWN?!
(A New Series on Kinky Sex by Lucy Rockwell)

Issue 1: What Is Kink?

I get questions from readers about kinky sex all the time: Should I like kinky sex? How much kink is too much? How do I tell my partner about my kinks? What the hell IS kink, anyhow?

As an experienced kinkstress myself, I thought I’d do a little series, answering questions and sharing my thoughts. I already have a few good ideas lined up, but if y’all think of anything you’re dying to know about kink in any of its variations, send it along. I’m thinking I’ll focus on kink for at least a few weeks.

Rather than jump right in to answering specific questions, I’m going to kick off the series with an informative introduction to kink. In my words. This is not to say that everything I write here is one hundered percent true and accurate; it is based on my very own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Maybe yours are quite different, and that’s perfectly OK! But if you want to learn about kink from Lucy Rockwell’s perspective, read on…

Kinky sex can be defined as any sort of unconventional sex. That is, anything sexual that is not “normal.” Does that tell us anything? Not really. So let’s back up and define conventional sex first.

Normal sex is a cultural standard that varies depending on where and when you are living. In the current Western world in which I live, normal/conventional sex usually means penis/vagina intercourse in the missionary position (man on top). Kissing and cuddling are a part of conventional sex, but that’s about as far as it goes. Not much in the way of changing up positions, and certainly no kink or fetishism. Conventional sex is often described by the term “vanilla.” Much like its namesake, vanilla ice cream, vanilla sex is bland, plain, and nearly flavorless. But, OH, can it be improved with chocolate sauce, let me tell you!

You may be thinking to yourself, “Wait, I totally do different positions with my partner! And sometimes s/he slaps my butt a little bit! And there was that time with the whipped cream!” Well, my dear, you just might be a little bit kinky. Congratulations.

Kink is: what vanilla is not.
Kink is: slapping, biting, choking, roleplay, BDSM, fetishes, tying up, blindfolds.
Kink is: a little pain, the good kind.
Kink is: pretending you are different people, or have different roles than you do in real life.
Kink is: bringing another person into your sex life. Or just pretending to.
Kink is: wearing fun and sexy costumes.
Kink is: getting punished for being bad, and being bad on purpose in order to get punished.
Kink is: watching porn together.
Kink is: getting love juices all over the place.
Kink is: talking dirty in person. On the phone. Online.

That list could go on forever. My point is that pretty much anything sexual can be thought of as kinky. There’s a little kink in all of us, just begging to be set free. And when you do, sex just gets better.

xoxo,
Lucy

P.S. Issue 2 of KINKYTOWN: Setting the Ground Rules for a Fun, Safe, Kinky Sex Life

p.p.s. Get that hot blindfold here.

Blowjobs: Revisited Dear Lucy, This guy and I have had a thing...

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 20:58:00 -0500

Blowjobs: Revisited

Dear Lucy, This guy and I have had a thing for a while now and have been hanging out quite a bit lately. While things have been going great, he recently asked me to go down on him.. The thing is it will be my first time going down on anyone and I’m kind of nervous about what to do and not equaling up to his expectations. Do you have any tips that could help me?? I’d really appreciate it! :)

Oh, boy, do I have blowjob tips or what?

In fact, my dear, I have a whole ginormous post about giving fantastic head, entitled LUCY’S GUIDE TO AWESOME BLOWJOBS.

Check it out for such highlights as…

-Is biting good?

-To spit or to swallow?

-All aboard the fast train to orgasm town!

-Commitment: it’s not just for relationships.

-Why I spell it “come.”

…and so much more!

I’d love to know what you all think, and get some more feedback on favorite BJ techniques. So read the guide, then tell me:

How do you like to give or get head?

Gettin’ Wise About Condom Size Hello Lucy, I have been...

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 20:42:00 -0500

Gettin’ Wise About Condom Size

Hello Lucy,
I have been having sex with my boyfriend for a while now, and we have been using birth control and condoms, playing it safe. Anyway, the other day we were doing it and he said that the condom was feeling tight and that the little reservoir tip didn’t exist cause he had slid all the way into it. Does this mean that we’re using the wrong size?

First of all, mad props to you and your dude for using birth control and condoms! I love when I hear about folks doubling up on the protection. With both birth control (I assume you mean the pill, or perhaps another hormonal method like the shot or the ring) AND condoms, you two are protecting yourselves and each other from the less pleasant after-effects of sex, like unplanned pregnancy, or STI transmission.

Side note: while doubling up on protection methods is great idea, that does NOT mean use two condoms! Never do that- the extra friction can cause the condoms to break and/or come off, defeating the whole purpose.

On to your question:

Yeah, it sounds like the condom may have been too tight. Just like the perfect pair of jeans, different brands and different style will fit and feel different once you’re wearing it.

Try out different style and brands of condoms, until you find something that feels good to your guy. You can also choose ribbed condoms, which feel good for you too (it works!). A too-tight condom will make it uncomfortable for him during sex, and neither of you want that.

For the larger man, I recommend Trojan Magnums (more raving about Trojans here). But don’t use rubbers that are too big either, or they can slip off during sex.

I’m glad you mention the reservoir tip on the condom, because this is something that a lot of condom-users don’t quite understand the importance of. The reservoir tip is a little nipple-shaped end on the condom. Its purpose is to collect the jizz after the guy ejaculates. If the semen doesn’t have a place to collect in the end of the condom, it could squeeze up the sides and out the opening at the top (bottom? depends on the position…), thus getting into/onto your vag. Which was what you were trying to avoid by using a condom in the first place.

If you’re using condoms with no reservoir tip (it should say so on the package), make sure to pinch the end between your fingers while you’re rolling the rubber onto the dick. This makes a little space in the end for the come to go.

Oh man, I have so much to say about condoms! Like this post on “Crying and Condoms.” And this other one on the porn industry.

xoxo, Lucy

"I’m a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone’s life."

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 20:21:38 -0600

““I’m a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved...

People Over Porn Dear Lucy,My fiancee has a porn addiction and...

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 21:33:39 -0600

People Over Porn

Dear Lucy,
My fiancee has a porn addiction and we never have sex anymore. He prefers porn over sex with a real person. WTF am I supposed to do about that?

Well, simply put, ya don’t get married. At least not until the situation has majorly changed.

I don’t know how long you and your fiance have been together, or how long his “porn addiction” has been a problem. But I do know it is a terrible idea to get hitched if you have any sort of giant problem with your sex life looming overhead.

Think about these things: how do you know that he prefers watching porn (and, I assume, masturbation) over sex with a person? Does he jerk it to porn when you’re around, and ignore you? Or does it happen when he’s home alone, and it’s something that you find out about later? Has he told you about porn-over-people explicitly, when you’ve tried to initiate sexy time with him? Or are you guessing?

Perhaps porn-viewing is something you can enjoy together. Not necessarily every single time you’re getting down, but every so often. If it turns him on, and you’re there to turn him on even further, it could be a great sexual experience. I’ve learned that most dudes enjoy porn, and that many of them don’t really connect it to real sex. Some view it simply as a mechanism to get turned on, like you’d use a vibrator. This turn-on mechanism isn’t alive or emotional, it can’t speak to or respond to another person. But combine a real live human’s assistance with a vibe or a porn-playing laptop, and BING! O-face.

I know that my boyfriend watches porn when I’m not home sometimes. Sometimes we watch it together, because the things happening on the screen aren’t things we can replicate in our bedroom (although I’d LOVE a wrestling ring and a latex wardrobe, thank you very much!). I’ve also had the experience of dudes having a bit of a difficult time getting/keeping it up, due to nerves, booze, or what-have-you. Having porn playing in the background seemed to help bring these situations to a successful end.

Of course, all my blathering could be for naught if you, indeed, had a talk with your fiance in which he straight up said: “I prefer jerking off to porn over having sex with you or any other real-live person.” If that is the case, he needs to decide whether this is something he’d like to change for your benefit. Hopefully, this is a habit he’ll want to work on transforming. This may require counselling from a professional, and patience from you. Again, I must reiterate that going through with a marriage is off the table until you two have worked this out to a place of mutual satisfaction.

If he’s not willing to change this habit, or he doesn’t understand why it’s a problem, well, unfortunately it’s time for you to move on. It may be difficult to end a relationship that had gone so far as to turn into an engagement. However, getting married won’t magically solve this problem with your sex life. And you do not want to get yourself stuck in a life without sex.

Good luck,
xoxo Lucy

Dear Lucy,How many inches do you call a “proper size”? I’m not...

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 22:33:00 -0600

Dear Lucy,
How many inches do you call a “proper size”? I’m not really sure if it’s big enough…

I assume that this question of “proper size” is referring to penis size specifically. Well, my friend, there is no correct answer to this question because one, single, proper size of dick does not exist in the world. The proper size must be determined subjectively by whomever is experiencing the penis: both yourself and your partner. There is much insight to be found in the phrase “it’s not the size of the ship, it’s the motion of the ocean.”

A wide-spread (ha! sorry) stereotype in terms of guys’ cocks is that bigger is better. However, there are many more petite gals out there that just can’t deal with too much dick. If you are well-endowed, you just might not fit too great into smaller vaginas. Trying to stuff it in to a too-small space might make both of you uncomfortable, or even cause pain, and that’s not going to give you the pleasure and satisfaction you want.

The opposite may be true as well; a penis may be too small for a girl to get a lot of feeling from peen-vag sex. Then again, a girl may not have orgasm at all from intercourse, and her smaller-dicked boyfriend may be particularly gifted at the oral arts, so size isn’t an issue anyway. What I’m trying to say is that, really, any pairing of two people in a sexual situation is going to require a trial period. You’ll try out different positions and motions and discover what you both like best when you are being intimate with one another. This same principle applies for any couple, any size, any gender: there’s not a “proper” size, gender, position, motion, lubricant, birth control method, color of bedsheets, the list goes on. Every aspect of successful sex depends on how one feels in that particular instant.

This may even change from day to day! I’ve been with only one dick for over a year now, and we’re still discovering new stuff. And, depending on how my body feels and what part of my cycle I’m on, we’ve noticed that certain things feel better one day, and not as good the next. There’s some days that I feel like Lance’s dick is bumping into my IUD when we’re having sex, and I just can’t get comfortable having him in very deep. There’s other days that he’ll go really deep, and I can’t get enough. So there you go.

One more semi-related comment: if you think your dick is too small, don’t try to enlarge it. It’s impossible. My buddy Rod somehow aquired a penis pump in college, and I wickedly convinced him to try it out. Standing outside the bathroom door, I made Rod give me the play-by-play as he stuck his dick into this plastic tube and pumped. After yelling through the door, “My dick’s turning purple!” and “Now it’s just stuck to the side of the tube!” Rod determined that the penis pump was a sham and he gave up. And good reason too, I hear his lady likes his penis size just fine.

xoxo,
Lucy

HAPPY 2012! New Years Resolutions for Everyone Who Likes...

Mon, 02 Jan 2012 23:01:23 -0600

HAPPY 2012!

New Years Resolutions for Everyone Who Likes Sex

Last year, I came up with 3 simple resolutions for my readers and their lovers:

1. Communicate

2. Be Adventurous

3. Use Protection

Well, I don’t think I want to change those resolutions, cause they are all important, and I believe that we should all strive to stick to all three. Or get on it now, and start resolving to do all three, if you haven’t been already. Read 2011’s entire post here to get the details on why you should adhere to communication, adventure, and protection for all.

However, it is a new year, a new beginning, and time to add a few more resolutions to our sex lives. Here’s what I got for y’all this year:

4. Shop Local

I’ve been on a huge local kick this year. Purchasing things within your community is a great idea: your money goes right back into the region where you live, which, in this fucked-up economic time we’re living in, is a good thing. So, why stop at farmer’s markets and book stores? Buy local at SEX STORES, too! Sure, it’s easy to purchase sex toys, lingerie, porn, and whatever else you need online. However, that money’s going to a faceless computer, not your well-meaning, sex-positive neighbor! You may be shy to go and buy stuff in person, but this is a hurdle worth overcoming. I, personally, love talking with the clerks at adult stores. There’s something so refreshing about chatting it up in public about dildos and lube, when in most places it would be totally inapprope to bring up such subjects.

I plan to take some time this year to write up a little something about many of the sex shops in Chicago, like I did recently for The Erotic Warehouse. I’ll keep you posted on the greatest spots to stock up on all things silicone and leather!

5. Use Technology Wisely

We’re learning more and more about the impact that technology can have on one’s personal life. It seems like each week we hear another article on sexting gone wrong, whether for a teenager or a senator (or both! ew). It is important to be mindful about the ways that your privacy can be compromised due to the ever-developing world of phones, cameras, and networking capabilities. Basically, don’t send naked pictures to anyone you don’t absolutely 100% trust. Don’t leave digital nakey pix on your phone, camera, or any portable devices. Don’t look at sexy stuff at work. Use common sense to protect yourself and those you are involved with.

6. Compliment your Bedmate

This is part of general communication, but also something I’d like to address specifically. It is important to tell your main squeeze what you like about them. The compliments you give them can be about anything: the way they look, smell, dress, smile, or laugh. Things they do well in bed, or an interesting point they brought up in a political discussion at a recent dinner party. Better yet, compliment her/him on a variety of things during the time you spend together. It will make him/her feel secure, comfortable, and more self-confident. She/he will feel happier around you, and will hopefully return the favor and say some nice things about you, too.

Well, my darlings, those are my thoughts on the start of the new year, and the ways to best keep your relationships happy and healthy. I hope 2012 is good one for you and yours!

xoxo,

Lucy

Merry Christmas to All, and to All a Good Night! xoxo, Lucy

Sun, 25 Dec 2011 16:51:52 -0600

Merry Christmas to All, and to All a Good Night!

xoxo,

Lucy

MAHNA MAHNA: Sexy Origins of a Muppets Classic I recently heard...

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 20:00:06 -0600

MAHNA MAHNA: Sexy Origins of a Muppets Classic

I recently heard a rumor (that appears to be well-founded) about the origins of the Muppets’ song, “Mahna Mahna.” This song, when performed by the Muppets, features a guy with dark glasses and an orange lion-mane-like hairdo (named Mahna Mahna, as well) singing the nonsense verses. He’s backed up by two pink, horned, lashy bird/cow/alien creatures named the Snowths. They sing the “doo-doo-doos” for Mahna Mahna, and also try to reign him in when he gets carried away.

The song was premiered on The Muppet Show, but has had a few reincarnations over the years. Most recently, the trio showed up in the new Muppet Movie (which I thought was FANTASTIC). The band Cake also did a cover of “Mahna” a while back, with all their brassy goodness. All in all, the “Mahna” sketch is a favorite of mine, and and I’ve added the Cake cover to more than a few mix CDs.

I was surprised, and weirdly delighted, to learn that the song first graced our earth as part of the soundtrack of a steamy Italian film from 1968. The film is called Sweden: Heaven and Hell, and is described as a documentary about sexuality in 1960s Sweden, where “the new morality is old hat.” Based on this video, I’m actually dying to watch the whole documentary. The film promises to reveal the truth about Swedish swingers, sex cruises, roving predatory motorcycle gangs, naked meter maids, and so much more! The scene featuring “Mahna Mahna” seems quite tame in comparison, just showing a gaggle of Swedish babes hanging out in a sauna wrapped in towels.

I don’t think my childhood memories have been tainted by my new knowledge of the inspiration behind the Muppets’ classic. The Muppets were created by adults for children, but seem to include secret nods to adults that I like to discover as I rewatch them as a grown-up. I’ve had similar revelations watching Pee-Wee’s Playhouse, and even Disney movies (we all know what’s going on with that priest in The Little Mermaid…).

A timeline of the history of “Mahna Mahna” includes the note that the Snowths got their name from a combination of the words “snout” and “mouth.” Sure, maybe, but I wouldn’t be surprised if those Swedish maidens tromping around in the snow had something to do with it, too…

xoxo,

Lucy

I’ll Take Mine King-Sized, Thank you… Hello my...

Thu, 22 Dec 2011 20:10:05 -0600

I’ll Take Mine King-Sized, Thank you…

Hello my dears,

Thought you might want a little update on what my boyfriend, Lance, and I have been doing lately. Well, we just got back from a four-day trip with his family. The trip was pretty great, lots of good places to eat and wonderful things to see, but really there was one highlight for me: the hotel bed.

Our hotel was pretty decked out, and beautiful. I was super excited to stay there, and when Lance and I entered our hotel room, I almost xdied with happiness. Taking up most of the room was a huge, four-poster, pillow-top, fluffy, down-comforter-covered, warm, giant, luxurious, delightful king-sized bed! At that point I sighed dramatically, realizing that, yes, I would have to go out at some point during the trip. I could not spend the whole time in the beautiful bed, but I could sure as hell spend as much time as possible in it!

I may sounds overly excited, but you have to understand that at home Lance and I sleep in a double-bed, the same from when I was twelve. It has a gorgeous brass bed frame, so I’m reluctant to upgrade to something more adult sized. Besides, it makes king-sized adventures in hotels that much more fun!

From that point on, whenever Lance and I were freed of our sight-seeing duties, we went up to our room and dropped our clothes in a trail from the door to the bed. You could do anythign while lying in this bed: read, write, knit, watch the enormous TV, drink tea, eat snacks. I was fond of lying completely sideways or diagonally, as this giant piece of furniture may have been wider than it was long. I also like burying myself in the sheets and blankets, and making Lance guess where my head and feet were.

Then, of course, we had lots of spectacular sexy time in the giant bed, as well. It was so cushy and comfy and bouncy, and we could orient ourselves any direction. And don’t think those posts on the corners of the bed frame were neglected; in a situation like this, I am of the mind that some tying up simply must be done. Not having come prepared with any rope or cuffs of anything (what were we thinking??), we had to make do with shoelaces. That worked fine, but my advice if you’re using something thin, like shoelaces, to tie someone up is to be careful about how tight you tie. You always want to keep your circulation to your hands and feet going healhtily, so keep the knots loose. If you give yourself into the fun and fantasy of the experience, you don’t have to necessarily be tied in such a way that you actually can’t get free. Even if the rope is loose, you’ll still feel like you’re in bondage, and that’s what really matters.

So, that’s it for now. We’re back home in Chicago, in our regular double bed. Sigh. Maybe some elf will leave a king-sized under the tree…

xoxo,

Lucy

Flavored condoms: Why Do They Exist? Dear Lucy,Is a guy...

Thu, 08 Dec 2011 20:37:05 -0600

Flavored condoms: Why Do They Exist?

Dear Lucy,
Is a guy supposed to wear a condom while you give them a blow job?

Really, “supposed to” is something that you and this guy need to decide for yourselves.

Is using a condom for oral sex safer; does it give you and your partner less risk of passing STIs between you? Yes, it is safer, and does provide more protection from orally-passed STIs.

Is dude going to be able to have an orgasm with a condom on? As long as you work together to help him attain one. Meaning, he tells you what feels right, and you are game for putting in the work. Don’t worry, he’ll get there. And with much easier clean up!

Do condoms taste good? Well, they taste like balloons and rubber gloves, so if you like that taste… Seriously though, DO NOT use lubricated condoms for oral sex. Nasty. Flavored condoms are pretty easy to find, and come in a delicious variety (banana, vanilla, kiss o’ mint…). These rubbers are meant specifically for oral sex, and not for vaginal or anal intercourse. So you gotta hope that somebody’s using them for blowjobs, cause the condom companies keep making them.

On that note, I heard from a friend that the teen clinic at which he works kept running out of flavored condoms. A lot of BJ-safety-conscious teenagers, you ask? Unfortunately, no. Turns out the hooligans were chewing on the condoms like gum. Ew, ew, ew. Never do.

If you and this due you’re blowing are newly acquainted, it’s a great idea to use condoms for all penis-related sex activities. If you’re hooking up with multiple penises, it’s an even better idea. Keep using condoms until you’re settling into a more committed relationship, in which both you and your guy get tested, and agree not to hook up with others. Then it’s ok to shed the sheaths, as long as you stick to your agreements.

xoxo,
Lucy

IT’S TIME. This beautiful and sweet ad for marriage...

Tue, 06 Dec 2011 20:17:51 -0600

IT’S TIME.

This beautiful and sweet ad for marriage equality comes from Australia, but carries a message of universal sentiment:

It’s time for all people on Earth to have the same rights. And one of the most fundamental of our rights is that to love whomever you wish, and to be able to show your commitment to that love in a way that is recognized by your society.

Come on, USA. You know it’s only a matter of time…

xoxo,

Lucy

Chi-Town Adventures: The Erotic Warehouse The other night I was...

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 22:49:00 -0600

Chi-Town Adventures: The Erotic Warehouse

The other night I was out with some girlfriends. We went to an art opening on Lake St and drank wine, feeling very fancy and sophisticated. But, that was all about to change! I was driving the ladies home, and we found ourselves on the Near West side, like on Randoloh with its odd mix of upscale restaurants and food packing plants. Then, out of the corner of my eye I spotted an anomaly in this already odd part of town: a non-descript brown brick building displaying these words: EROTIC WAREHOUSE.

Needless to say, I spun my truck right around and pulled into the warehouse’s shady parking lot. Giggling and not really knowing what to expect, the ladies and I jumped out of the car and stepped through the front door.

What we encountered was not as terrifying as I was expecting. The Erotic Warehouse is a pretty typical sex supply shop, well-stocked with dildos and videos. It has none of the airs of your froofier sex shops, where everything is displayed on white shelves and lucite stands, and you can test all the vibrators with hand-painted batteries. No, the toys at the Warehouse are all safely enclosed in their packaging, plastered with photos of porn stores in all their glistening glory.

After wandering around for a bit, my gals and I came across the bachelorette party section of the store, in which every item is shaped like a penis. Eureka! Our (straight, male) friend’s birthday party was the next evening, and clearly the penis pinata was the gift to bring. Doubles as a party game! We hunted the warehouse for things to fill it with, and the girl at the counter was happy to suggest the tiny penis-shaped candies (I assume they taste like runts or sweet tarts? Ew, both of those would gross in this context). She told us, grinning, that the candies would scatter around the room when the pinata burst, and you could still find them weeks later, at which you’d say to yourself, “ooh a little dick!”

That register girl, though pretty scary looking, was just a delight. She also kindly advised us to wash the penis straws before use, as many people “test them out” while waiting to be rung up. I took that advice, for sure. We also stuffed the pinata with some “sexy scratchers” bachelorette party lotto tickets, some Magnums I had at home (sorry, Lance doesn’t have any other sizes ;) and leftover Halloween candy. The gift was complete.

Our birthday boy was disturbed, yet touched by our thoughtfulness. We strung the present up on the balcony at his house, and he knocked the pinata right off on the first whack. It then exploded in the street, and the partygoers scrambled to pick up the loot. Needless to say, the straws were the hit of the evening. Perfect for slurping up PBR from a can.

Thanks, Erotic Warehouse.

(1246 W. Randolph)

xoxo,

Lucy

Yes, my darlings, you can "like" me now.

Mon, 28 Nov 2011 22:31:00 -0600

Yes, my darlings, you can "like" me now.