I’m Not A Doctor, but I Am a Lady

                          -Unqualified, but Helpful, Health advice-

IUD Follow Up;

AKA I LOVE YOU THERMACARE MENSTRUAL HEAT PADS

Dear Lucy,

Hi! I enjoyed your post about your experience getting an IUD. I was considering the same option myself and was wondering if you still recommend it a while later.

I’ve been using the IUD form of birth control for a few months now, and I’ve had several readers ask how it’s been going. (previous articles on IUD and birth control)

Well, my darlings, ups and downs. The first month or so, there was “spotting” (a little bit of bleeding) rather more than I liked, like about every other day. But, one woman told me that she had spotting pretty much every day ever since she got the IUD (like, a lot of months). I figured that if mine only lasted a month, not too bad. Besides, the same thing happended for the first month every time I’ve restarted using hormonal birth control over the last 10 years, so I’m used to it. No big whoop.

The periods themselves are, to be honest, not great. Length of time, blood flow, and cramps vary for every woman, and for every form of birth control. I didn’t like the clockwork-like artificialness of my period on hormone BC, even though the cramps were lighter. It made me feel like my body didn’t make its own decisions or something. Now, on the IUD, my cycle happens about as regularly as when I’m on no BC.

The blood flow is, for about 2 of the 5ish days, fuckin crazy heavy. It sucks, what can I say. Super tampons, and sleep on a towel. Showering after sex mandatory. But then it tapers to normal, and stops.

Then there’s the cramps. I can’t sugar coat this, unfortunately: they’re bad. The first month of IUDness, I had cramps on and off willy-nilly. Now they only really happen during my period, maybe a twinge or two during ovulation. I like to spend a lot of time on bed with my hot water bottle during the bad days.

But then… I took an IUD-comrade’s advice and got these 8-hour heating pads (pictured above). They’re not cheap- about $8 for three- but dear lord they’re worth it! If you’re trying to get through your work day and you’ve got these monster IUD cramps, I don’t see any other way than by using these pads. I picked em up at CVS, in the muscle creams, etc., aisle. Read the directions before applying, as you’re not supposed to adhere it directly to your skin and other important instructions. But let’s just say, I applied one this morning, and it’s still keeping me warm, cozy, and comfortable.

OK, now that I’ve freaked everyone out (except those of you who just applied a heating pack and are having a moment of pain-free bliss), let me gush about the pros of the IUD!

Sex has been fan-freakin-tastic. Imagine- no worry! No missed pills, condom breakage, counting days. It’s just there, keeping babies out of my womb until we’re ready for them. It makes sex more comfortable, spontaneous, and just plain great. My man and I are quite pleased. He’s felt the string (the only part of the IUD that you can feel in you vagina) poke him in the penis a couple times, but he just move it over with his fingers, or we just adjust to a different position. Easy peasy.

And, to even things out since I have to deal with the annoying stuff, Lance has to give me a massage during the worst days of my period. And fetch me things, like the hot water bottle and ibuprofen. 

I’d still recommend the non-hormonal IUD to just about every woman who is having regular sex with a trustworthy partner. Go for it, gals!

Xoxo,

Nurse Lucy

25 April 16 Permalink

IU Do… or IU Don’t?

A follow up to my article on birth control…

So I went ahead and got an IUD, and this is how it went.

After much deliberation in my head, research, advice from my friends and some of you readers, discussion with my boyfriend and doctors, I got the Paragard Inter-Uterine device. Having tried many methods of birth control in the past, I was all fuck this. Done with hormones, done with condoms, done with using the pull-out method (stupid) and being worried about being pregnant every month.

This was not the easiest decision for me. I, frankly, loathe that getting a foreign substance inserted into my body by a near-stranger, and having it stay there for the foreseeable future, was the best birth control option for me. But I refuse to go through the side effects of hormonal birth control anymore, and condoms don’t really fit Lance too well. But believe me, the moment birth control for men is easily available, it’s Lance’s turn. Yet for now, it’s all me.

So I heard a few things about how the IUD insertion procedure would go. Friend 1 said she went to her waitressing job the night she got an IUD. Friend 2 said her husband had to pick her up from the doctor and she was curled up on the couch for the rest of the night. Friend 3 said the doctor couldn’t get the damn device in the first time and she had to go back for a second appointment (!). I’d say my experience was somewhere in the middle of this pain/annoyance spectrum.

My new gyno had prescribed Cytotec (Misoprostol) for me. This pill is intended to treat ulcers, but it also opens and softens a woman’s cervix. Actually, I discovered through a little research, that Misoprostol is used all over the world for underground abortions. There’s a few interesting and somewhat disturbing websites that give instructions on how to administer it yourself if you live in a country where abortions are illegal. And I thanked my lucky stars that I live in a country where it is legal, and where I can go get whatever form of birth control I want whenever I want.

When I called to make an appointment change, I double checked with a nurse at the gyno’s office about when to take the prescription. She said to take it vaginally, one pill the night before the procedure, and one the morning of. When I went to pick the Cytotec up, however, the pharmacist looked at the scrip quizzically and asked if I was supposed to take the pills orally.

I said, “Uh, I don’t think so… That’s not what the nurse said.”

The pharmacist said, “Did she say…” and made a little hand gesture pointing to her crotch.

“Yeah, that’s what she said,” I tried not to laugh.

“Well, it doesn’t say that on this prescription, but do what they said to do. Are you getting an IUD?” (nod from me) “OK.”

So, I guess this is a common use for the pill. Way to tell me the proper usage in the first place, gyno. Not.

The day of my appointment arrived, and I went in. I hadn’t remembered to take Aleve before the appointment, and the doctor was a little jerky about that, showing me the chart from last time and saying, “See, I wrote it down.”

I was like, “OK, well I didn’t remember. Do you have anything in the office that I can take now?”

I’m not the biggest fan of the doctor at this point, but I want to get the damn thing over with. She gives me 4 Ibuprofen, and I wait for the pain killers to kick in for ½ hour, pantsless, on the examining table, reading a magazine for expectant mothers (the only thing in there to read besides STD pamphlets). Sweet irony.

The nurse and doctor return, and my feet go up into the stirrups. I ask the doctor to tell me what she’s doing, but not in too much detail. She puts in the speculum (kindly warmed by the kindly nurse) and is pleased to tell me that the Cytotec worked well. My cervix has opened up a bit, this should be easy. I am pleased too, for a moment.

Then it’s really painful for a little while. I gasped and held on to the table, struggling to breathe through it. The doctor says I’m doing fine. The nurse tells me to stop hyperventilating or I’m going to pass out. I hiss out a few obscenities. The nurse hands me some alcohol swabs and tells me to hold them under my nose so I don’t faint, and to breathe deeply. Then it’s over, and various implements are removed from my vagina.

OK, so the pain during the procedure is not a walk in the park. It’s hard to describe, cause it’s all up in you, not like a cut or a bruise or something. But the whole thing really took about 2 minutes, and we women are built for such things. Soon the color in my face was restored (to the relief of the nurse), and I was walking out of there unassisted. Not even bowlegged.

I had to take some anti-infection pills for a couple days afterwards, and I also got a scrip for 600 mg Ibuprofen. I’m now done with the former, and I have unfortunately had to use the latter more than I might have wished. I spent the night of the procedure on the couch with a hot water bottle, and smoked a lot of weed. That was nice.

Since then, I’ve have sporadic crampiness a bit each day (it’s been 4 days), and some light bleeding, all which were expected aftereffects. I’m hoping these things end very soon; I actually went home early from work today cause the cramps were pretty bad.

As for sex, Lance and I actually went for it the very first night the IUD was in. Nothing too rowdy, as I was still a bit tender. But it’s been really nice to not have to worry about getting jizz in and on any parts of me! He did, at one point, feel the “string” (kind of like fishing line) of the IUD poking the head of his dick. This string comes out of your cervix and hangs out in your vagina, connected to the T-shaped device inside your uterus. But Lance just kinda tucked the string into another part of my vag using his fingers (“There’s all these folds in here!” he said- ha) and it’s been fine since.

There you go- hopefully my IUD saga is complete. So far, not so bad. We’ll see how long these cramps last, but at this point I think I could recommend the IUD as a totally doable form of birth control.

Be safe,

Lucy

9 November 31 Permalink

Under Control

Dear Lucy,

You mentioned earlier that you are/were not on birth control. Are there specific reasons why not? Any recommendations on brands? Thanks!

Yeah, there are several reasons why I’m not on birth control. Birth control frustrates the hell out of me. I don’t think any of the methods currently available for women are 100% awesome, and I think it’s really unfair that there no birth control methods available (or even developed) for use by men.

Except condoms, I guess. I’m not knocking condoms: condoms are great! I have several rants about them (see the archive), and I always say the same thing: use ‘em. They’re the only contraceptive that also protects against STIs! They’re handy and often free. But they’re only up to 85% effective against pregnancy. And they don’t feel as good as going bareback, of course. If you’re having regular sex with a regular partner, I recommend looking into some more effective forms of birth control.

There are several methods of hormonal birth control: the pill, ring, patch, shot and implant. (Check out this kick ass site that compares them! http://www.arhp.org/hormonalcontraception/ )All of these methods (taken or administered to women in different ways) contain the hormones estrogen and/or progesterone. To make a long story short, the hormones suppress ovulation, or change your cervical mucus or uterine lining. Without all of these aspects of your reproductive system working in tandem, a fertilized egg (when your lover’s sperm meets your egg) can’t develop in your womb. So you don’t get preggers.

Many many many girls and women use hormonal birth control. It is easy to obtain, and easy to use. It regulates your period, and some women even use it to stop their period from happening at all during parts of the year. It is over 99% effective, and that is a pretty fantastic statistic.

I have been on and off hormonal birth control (the pill and the ring) since I was 17, as have most of my friends. Hormones found in birth control have yet-to-be-determined long term effects on young women’s bodies. The known side effects are often significant and frustrating; no girl I know wants to deal with weight gain, mood swings, depression, breakthrough bleeding, nausea, or other possible B.S. Some women even experience a decreased libido, and if you don’t want to have sex cause you’re on birth control, that kinda defeats the whole fucking purpose!

Life has enough ups and downs as it is, and I (and all women) experience hormonal changes every month as part of our menstrual cycle. I just don’t feel comfortable adding more hormones to my body, and never knowing if my emotions are real or manufactured. I used to get super depressed about silly trivialities, and I cried at the drop of a hat. Those things don’t happen to me anymore, for which I am unendingly grateful. And now, I can’t help but wonder if the synthetic hormones surging through me for so many years are to blame.

So, dear readers, that is why I am not on birth control.

Or should I say WAS not on birth control. Because now I’m with Lance and only Lance, and we’re ready to go beyond condoms. So I’m thinking about the IUD.

Here’s the deal, from what I’ve learned so far. IUD stands for intrauterine device. It is a little T-shaped plastic thing wrapped in copper wire, and it goes inside your uterus. A doctor has to insert it and remove it. But, once it’s in there, you can leave an IUD inside you for up to 5 years! No changing it, no pills, no hormones, nothing more to buy. The device disrupts attaching of the egg to your uterine lining, and is 99.4% effective.

There’s actually 2 types of IUDs, one of which, Mirena, has a low dose of hormones in it. I’m not interested in Mirena, for obvious reasons (see above), so I’m looking into Paragard. This brand has been around for a long time, and I’ve heard a few bad stories of women in my mom’s generation who didn’t have good experiences with the IUD. So that makes me nervous. But apparently there’s been a resurgence of IUD usage among younger women, and the birth control method has improved.

Doctors say that IUDs work better if you’ve already had one child. The side effects (the main ones are heavy bleeding during your period and major cramps) are less, and it’s easier to insert cause your cervix is more open. But, I have 4 girlfriends with IUDs all up in their wombs as we speak, and they all seem pretty stoked about it. Yes, they confirm that the cramps and bleeding can be worse than usual. But they all also confirm that it’s worth it to not have to worry about birth control, and to not have to go through the weird hormonal side effects from the pill or Nuvaring.

So, yeah, I’m nervous about the procedure to get the IUD inserted. But Lance assures me he’ll pick me up and buy me dinner, so that’ll help. And I’m nervous that the zombie apocalypse might come, and then how am I going to get the IUD out if I have to repopulate the world and all the doctors are dead!? But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. And I’ll definitely get back atcha about how the IUD is working for me and my man.

Be safe,

Xoxo, Lucy

12 October 30 Permalink