Post(s) tagged with "love"
My fiancee has a porn addiction and we never have sex anymore. He prefers porn over sex with a real person. WTF am I supposed to do about that?
Well, simply put, ya don’t get married. At least not until the situation has majorly changed.
I don’t know how long you and your fiance have been together, or how long his “porn addiction” has been a problem. But I do know it is a terrible idea to get hitched if you have any sort of giant problem with your sex life looming overhead.
Think about these things: how do you know that he prefers watching porn (and, I assume, masturbation) over sex with a person? Does he jerk it to porn when you’re around, and ignore you? Or does it happen when he’s home alone, and it’s something that you find out about later? Has he told you about porn-over-people explicitly, when you’ve tried to initiate sexy time with him? Or are you guessing?
Perhaps porn-viewing is something you can enjoy together. Not necessarily every single time you’re getting down, but every so often. If it turns him on, and you’re there to turn him on even further, it could be a great sexual experience. I’ve learned that most dudes enjoy porn, and that many of them don’t really connect it to real sex. Some view it simply as a mechanism to get turned on, like you’d use a vibrator. This turn-on mechanism isn’t alive or emotional, it can’t speak to or respond to another person. But combine a real live human’s assistance with a vibe or a porn-playing laptop, and BING! O-face.
I know that my boyfriend watches porn when I’m not home sometimes. Sometimes we watch it together, because the things happening on the screen aren’t things we can replicate in our bedroom (although I’d LOVE a wrestling ring and a latex wardrobe, thank you very much!). I’ve also had the experience of dudes having a bit of a difficult time getting/keeping it up, due to nerves, booze, or what-have-you. Having porn playing in the background seemed to help bring these situations to a successful end.
Of course, all my blathering could be for naught if you, indeed, had a talk with your fiance in which he straight up said: “I prefer jerking off to porn over having sex with you or any other real-live person.” If that is the case, he needs to decide whether this is something he’d like to change for your benefit. Hopefully, this is a habit he’ll want to work on transforming. This may require counselling from a professional, and patience from you. Again, I must reiterate that going through with a marriage is off the table until you two have worked this out to a place of mutual satisfaction.
If he’s not willing to change this habit, or he doesn’t understand why it’s a problem, well, unfortunately it’s time for you to move on. It may be difficult to end a relationship that had gone so far as to turn into an engagement. However, getting married won’t magically solve this problem with your sex life. And you do not want to get yourself stuck in a life without sex.
Good luck,
xoxo Lucy
How many inches do you call a “proper size”? I’m not really sure if it’s big enough…
I assume that this question of “proper size” is referring to penis size specifically. Well, my friend, there is no correct answer to this question because one, single, proper size of dick does not exist in the world. The proper size must be determined subjectively by whomever is experiencing the penis: both yourself and your partner. There is much insight to be found in the phrase “it’s not the size of the ship, it’s the motion of the ocean.”
A wide-spread (ha! sorry) stereotype in terms of guys’ cocks is that bigger is better. However, there are many more petite gals out there that just can’t deal with too much dick. If you are well-endowed, you just might not fit too great into smaller vaginas. Trying to stuff it in to a too-small space might make both of you uncomfortable, or even cause pain, and that’s not going to give you the pleasure and satisfaction you want.
The opposite may be true as well; a penis may be too small for a girl to get a lot of feeling from peen-vag sex. Then again, a girl may not have orgasm at all from intercourse, and her smaller-dicked boyfriend may be particularly gifted at the oral arts, so size isn’t an issue anyway. What I’m trying to say is that, really, any pairing of two people in a sexual situation is going to require a trial period. You’ll try out different positions and motions and discover what you both like best when you are being intimate with one another. This same principle applies for any couple, any size, any gender: there’s not a “proper” size, gender, position, motion, lubricant, birth control method, color of bedsheets, the list goes on. Every aspect of successful sex depends on how one feels in that particular instant.
This may even change from day to day! I’ve been with only one dick for over a year now, and we’re still discovering new stuff. And, depending on how my body feels and what part of my cycle I’m on, we’ve noticed that certain things feel better one day, and not as good the next. There’s some days that I feel like Lance’s dick is bumping into my IUD when we’re having sex, and I just can’t get comfortable having him in very deep. There’s other days that he’ll go really deep, and I can’t get enough. So there you go.
One more semi-related comment: if you think your dick is too small, don’t try to enlarge it. It’s impossible. My buddy Rod somehow aquired a penis pump in college, and I wickedly convinced him to try it out. Standing outside the bathroom door, I made Rod give me the play-by-play as he stuck his dick into this plastic tube and pumped. After yelling through the door, “My dick’s turning purple!” and “Now it’s just stuck to the side of the tube!” Rod determined that the penis pump was a sham and he gave up. And good reason too, I hear his lady likes his penis size just fine.
xoxo,
Lucy
I’ll Take Mine King-Sized, Thank you…
Hello my dears,
Thought you might want a little update on what my boyfriend, Lance, and I have been doing lately. Well, we just got back from a four-day trip with his family. The trip was pretty great, lots of good places to eat and wonderful things to see, but really there was one highlight for me: the hotel bed.
Our hotel was pretty decked out, and beautiful. I was super excited to stay there, and when Lance and I entered our hotel room, I almost xdied with happiness. Taking up most of the room was a huge, four-poster, pillow-top, fluffy, down-comforter-covered, warm, giant, luxurious, delightful king-sized bed! At that point I sighed dramatically, realizing that, yes, I would have to go out at some point during the trip. I could not spend the whole time in the beautiful bed, but I could sure as hell spend as much time as possible in it!
I may sounds overly excited, but you have to understand that at home Lance and I sleep in a double-bed, the same from when I was twelve. It has a gorgeous brass bed frame, so I’m reluctant to upgrade to something more adult sized. Besides, it makes king-sized adventures in hotels that much more fun!
From that point on, whenever Lance and I were freed of our sight-seeing duties, we went up to our room and dropped our clothes in a trail from the door to the bed. You could do anythign while lying in this bed: read, write, knit, watch the enormous TV, drink tea, eat snacks. I was fond of lying completely sideways or diagonally, as this giant piece of furniture may have been wider than it was long. I also like burying myself in the sheets and blankets, and making Lance guess where my head and feet were.
Then, of course, we had lots of spectacular sexy time in the giant bed, as well. It was so cushy and comfy and bouncy, and we could orient ourselves any direction. And don’t think those posts on the corners of the bed frame were neglected; in a situation like this, I am of the mind that some tying up simply must be done. Not having come prepared with any rope or cuffs of anything (what were we thinking??), we had to make do with shoelaces. That worked fine, but my advice if you’re using something thin, like shoelaces, to tie someone up is to be careful about how tight you tie. You always want to keep your circulation to your hands and feet going healhtily, so keep the knots loose. If you give yourself into the fun and fantasy of the experience, you don’t have to necessarily be tied in such a way that you actually can’t get free. Even if the rope is loose, you’ll still feel like you’re in bondage, and that’s what really matters.
So, that’s it for now. We’re back home in Chicago, in our regular double bed. Sigh. Maybe some elf will leave a king-sized under the tree…
xoxo,
Lucy
-Letter from a Chicago Writing Desk-
On Love, Marriage, and Equal Rights for All
So you may be wondering where I’ve been all summer. Probably assuming I’ve been having a blast in some tropical paradise, frolicking naked and getting into sexy adventures. Well, not so much. This summer has been taken up with -ta da!- grad school. I have been thinking my head off, folks. And I was separated from Lance for 5 weeks, which was no treat when I realized that the walls of my summer apartment were so paper thin that Skype sex was OUT. So disappointing! I was totally going to do a Skype sex experiment so I could give my readers some advice about how to do it. Alas, studying and lonely nights were all I got.
But I was thinking a lot, as I mentioned above, and reading a whole lot, and talking about the stuff I was thinking about and reading with other students. Which brings me to my point of today’s article: the astonishing reminder that not everyone in America is liberal, open-minded, and educated. I know that may seem obvious to some people, but you forget these things when you spend all your time in metropolitan havens of intellectuals and artists. You forget that much of America has the complete opposite views that you do. Or maybe they agree with you in general, but they don’t listen to NPR as obsessively. Or they don’t really care to be up on sociopolitical issues.
Anyhow, here’s the story: I was asked to lead a reading seminar discussion on Dr. Martin Luther King’s “Letter From a Birmingham Jail.” For those who may not be familiar with this piece of writing, it was written by Dr. King while he was in jail, having been arrested for peacefully protesting for civil rights in 1964. It is written as an open letter to clergymen who had criticized his activism. The letter references instances of prejudices in America, and calls for unity and acceptance for all people. It is a powerful, thought-provoking, and beautifully written piece.
As the leader of this reading seminar, I was doing my best to be sure that everyone got a chance to talk, to ask questions, to respond to one another. The discussion got deep, and intense at times; how could it not? The subject matter of African-American civil rights is difficult for Americans talk about. We feel guilty, I think, that our countrymen acted so unfairly to others because of differences in race. Those of us born many years after this decade feel a sense of disconnection and disbelief; how could there have been segregated water fountains? We stop to think about our own actions and places in society; are we acting justly? Are we doing enough?
As I listened to my classmates, I felt something tugging at the back of my mind. When people spoke of unfairness, injustice, and cruelty, I thought about our current America. We profess to be a land of freedom and equality now, right?? But not everyone gets the same rights, STILL to this day!
How antiquated of an idea, that not all adults can marry in every state! How frustrating, that we KNOW that gay marriage will be legal for all in a few years, but we still have to go through this back and forth of the laws! How appalling, that gay partners cannot be on each other’s insurance plans, cannot be with each other in the hospital! How devastating, that bullying and stigmatizing causes young people, who should be treated with the utmost love, acceptance, and understanding, to end their own lives!
I’m thinking these things during the reading discussion, and I’m trying to stick to the text, so I only allude to them briefly. Something like, “Well, we’re still working on equal rights in this country…” But a classmate gets it, and she takes up the torch, bringing up gay rights as analogous to civil rights fights of the past.
And then a different classmate says something so utterly surprising I am momentarily speechless. This is where my forgetfulness about the people of other backgrounds comes in.
She says something like, “Well, I don’t think that gay rights is the same fight. I mean, they aren’t treated like black people were. Nothing that bad has happened to them. What would they write on their protest signs?”
This woman has a good heart, I’m sure. It’s just that she’s from Texas (sorry, it’s true), and maybe she doesn’t watch the news. Like I said, I’m speechless. I’m floored. But I’m leading the reading discussion, and I have to say something.
A movie montage is going through my head… Matthew Shepard’s face surrounded by the flames of hell on Godhatesfags. com, the Stonewall riots, my cousin getting punched in the face for holding hands with her girlfriend, Dan Savage’s It Gets Better campaign, Prop 8, the Boy Scouts banning gay scout leaders, pink triangles, cancelled proms, Charlene Strong’s heart-wrenching story on the Moth podcast, Marcus Bachmann’s hypocrisy, and all those teenagers who were pushed so hard that they gave up, five in one month last fall.
I have to stop this terrible carnival ride in my head and say something. I look this poor woman in the eye and stumble through something like, “No, I don’t think that’s true. I think there’s still a lot of equal rights work to be done in our country.” I cited a few of the examples above, and she looked surprised. And I thought holy balls, she she really doesn’t know this stuff!
There is, indeed, a lot of work to be done in this country, my friends. It’s really important work. It’s important that you educate your children, your friends, your family, and the occasion ignorant stranger, on the fact that every person on this earth has a right to love, be with, and commit to another person, regardless of gender, race, class, religion, or anything other thing that makes them “different” from each other. And it’s important that that love and commitment is recognized by all the people in our communities, and our governing bodies.
—
Yesterday, I had the great honor of being part of the wedding of two women who are very dear to me. It was an absolutely beautiful and joyous ceremony. The love between these women was palpable, and love for them and their happiness emanated from the family and friends surrounding them. As the wedding party processed, gleefully, down the street from the ceremony to the reception, we passed a table of young folks that cheered for the brides. One gal, a complete stranger, shouted, “Thank you, state of Illinois!” She was referring to our state’s recent passing of a Civil Union law.
One small step forward, Illinois. I’m grateful that this step allowed my friends’ commitment to be recognized, legally, by our community. I know that this will continue in the years to come, and I am so looking forward to that day when I’m talking to some little kid and I hear them say “What? Gay people couldn’t get married in America? That’s so weird!” It WILL happen, I know it will. We gotta keep working toward making our country the place of liberty it claims to be.
xoxo,
Lucy
I received this text message today:
“I hate you for doing this to me. We had all summer to try. I can’t live. You suck right now.”
My immediate reaction was a brief panic. Who had I spurned so badly? Then, I took a look at the phone number from which the text came. Local, yes, but not anyone in my phone book. Which means it was a wrong number. Or someone I’d deleted from my phone book, hoping to never communicate with him again, but we’ll assume that’s highly unlikely.
This mistakenly sent message got me thinking. Clearly, the sender was heartbroken. They’d been dumped or rejected by someone they had major feelings for, and the sender was deep into his/her pain phase of the break up. The phase wherein you send terrible messages like this one. What good is a message like this going to do? The hating and sucking parts: sure, fair enough. The summer part: a bit cryptic, we’ll get back to that later. The declaration that the sender doesn’t want to live: unacceptable.
In the midst of a break up, it is never fair to tell someone you want to die. Even if you really feel that way at the time, you’re not actually going to die from a broken heart. If you tell the person on the other side of your break up that you want to kill yourself, however, what are they supposed to do about it? That is a super sucky thing to put them through. To avoid confusing hypothetical pronouns, I’m going to use myself as an example…
Let’s say I was dumping a guy. And it wasn’t pretty. Feelings were hurt, things were misunderstood, he was having trouble letting go. He may, in a fit of desperation, tell me that he was so miserable about our break up that he wanted to die. I, being empathetic to a fault, would then feel worried about the guy’s welfare. I’d feel responsible if he were to (god forbid) attempt to hurt himself. I would feel obligated to pick up the phone of he called, or to respond to texts. If I didn’t respond, I’d be sitting there worrying that he might try something stupid. And there I’d be, ensnared in his net, unable to truly break free without feeling horribly guilty. And probably, perhaps without even realizing it, that’s what the guy I was attempting to dump was trying to make happen with his inconsiderate morbid whining.
I realize that got a little ranty there. You are now wondering if this has happened to me. Not exactly, but something similar did occur. And I’m clearly still a little pissed about it. The moral is: do not threaten to hurt yourself as a way to manipulate your bf/gf into staying with you. Moving on…
So: “We had all summer to try.” Being that this is the beginning of summer, this poor chap must have just gotten dumped recently. It sounds like the couple had intended to keep the relationship going through the summer, but now, no dice. I say: summer is the best time for lovin’! You’re free, man (or maybe it’s a gal who wrote it)! Have a fling! Hang out at beer gardens in the out-of-doors! Don’t moon over what was lost- you’re young! (maybe; I have no idea how old this person is) You’re beautiful! (perhaps; again, no real profile on the sender) You’re about to embark on a new frontier! (that one seems pretty certain)
Anyway, enough analyzing. I haven’t responded to this mystery text, but now I’m wondering if I should. Did the person realize their mistake and resend to the true receiver? Are they still wallowing in grief? Could I help by responding? Would it be kind of fun to respond anyway?
xoxo, Lucy
P.S. Opening up the floor on this one, readers. What do you think? Should I respond, and what should I say?
Gettin’ Rid of Old Baggage
Dear Lucy,
My boyfriend still has his ex’s clothes in his closet & her stuff in the bathroom. I told him that it made me uncomfortable to see another girl’s clothes in his room. He said he didn’t like having it around either and agreed w/ me that he should ditch the stuff but has yet to actually do it. He is generally slow at taking care of things around the house so I’m not surprised he hasn’t done it yet but I still want the stuff gone. Would it be wrong if I initiated the process (like bagged everything up)? I don’t know much about about the previous relationship but I know it was a big source of stress for him and I think he has just been avoiding dealing with the stuff. I don’t want him to think I’m invading his space or privacy but I don’t think I’m being unreasonable either.
In a way, I understand your boyfriend’s behavior. Objects can really hold memories, and it could be really hard to go through his ex’s junk without stirring up unwanted reflections of the past. And, since it sounds like his history with this girl was not so great, dealing with her left-behind possessions could be emotional and uncomfortable for him.
But, at the same time, her stuff is making YOU uncomfortable. Which is completely understandable. I mean, ick! Who wants to see remnants from your partner’s past loves lying around? Not me (see my post about moving in with my boyfriend, from last week), and, clearly, not you.
You’ve asked him already to bag up the ex’s crap. He hasn’t done so, and you both want it gone. I think that now, it is totally OK for you to take the initiative on this one. However, I think it would be a bad idea to just toss all her shit into boxes without running it by your bf first.
The approach for this conversation is important; he’s trying not to think about it, and chances are he won’t be too keen on talking about it. Bring it up gently, and not accusingly. Tell him that you feel uncomfortable with her stuff around his place, and that you’d be more comfortable if it was no longer present. Then tell him that you’ll take care of the removal of said items if that’s OK with him, or you’ll help him pack it up, but that either way it has to happen right away.
xoxo, Lucy
Moving Day!
So, I mentioned that perhaps something significant was going on in my life, and here it is: I’m moving in with my boyfriend. Yeah, it’s kind of a big deal, you might say.
Lance and I have been dating for about 7 months, and that might seem a bit soon to be taking this serious step. In fact, I’ll bet that a year ago I would’ve advised just about any couple in the same situation that it was too soon to move in together after only 7 months of dating. But, my relationship with Lance has never been ordinary; we knew we were in love from the moment we met, and we knew we wanted to live together at about month number 2. Just had to wait for our leases to be up on our current apartments, and here we go!
Moving in with your significant other is, of course, cause for celebration. It also brings up worries, though. I think there are things you’ll really never know about each other until you’re actually living together. Even if you already spend just about every night in the same bed, there will still be surprises when you’re sharing the bed and the rest of the apartment.
A few worries one might have about the Big Move (and possible solutions/compromises):
1. Little weird habits
You may think you really know the guy/gal, but everyone’s got some quirky behaviors about their home routine. The first thing that comes to my mind is a dude leaving the toilet seat up. Cliche, yes, but ridiculously annoying for a lady taking a pee in the night. I think Lance is already considerate about this possible annoyance, but who knows what else is in store for me to discover! He’s already expressed to me his concern about my habit of not screwing caps onto bottles and jars all the way. And I’d feel terrible if he dumped a cup of salt into something he was cooking because of my carelessness, so I’m trying to be more conscious of screwing caps onto the condiments.
2. House maintenance
OK, number one problem with co-habitating with any other humans. Goddamn, deciding who should be doing the dishes just never gets easier. I’m quite picky about keeping my kitchen clean, and I cannot begin preparing a meal if the counter’s got crumbs on it and the dishes are piled up. Then again, I loathe mopping and don’t ever think about dusting surfaces. I think Lance and I may be at the same slobbishness level; at least I hope so. I do think it is easier to talk about chores with your bf/gf than with platonic roommates. And by talk, I mean snap at them when you’re grumpy and have to wash a goddamn glass to drink some goddamn water cause nobody ran the dishwasher.
3. Paying for stuff
I learned my lesson from a past relationship, and I am now much more careful about sharing money with my boyfriend. We intend to keep separate bank accounts for the time being (who knows if that’ll ever change). Most of the time, Lance and I just switch off playing for stuff we’re doing together, like groceries, meals out, and stuff for the new apartment. If one of us pays a significant chunk more for something, we pay each other back eventually. So far, so good. Then again, we make about the same amount of money, so I think we have it easier than some couples who might get resentful of one another. As for bills, we’ll each take charge of certain recurring expenses (gas, electric, netflix, internet…) and work out who owes whom every month. At least that’s the plan.
4. Upsetting keepsakes
I’m not talking about drawings from grade school; that’s cute stuff. I’m more worried about finding things from exes. I mean, both Lance and I were with many other people before we met, and that’s fine. Actually, that’s great. I’m really glad we had prior life and love experience, because if we hadn’t I don’t think we’d be so sure of settling down together. But, it’s still a bit jarring to find some sweet token of affection from someone Lance used to love. I’ve stumbled upon a few already in his apartment, and I’m sure there will be more. I, myself, have a box under the bed with photos, letters, and journals that I’m sure Lance would not want to see. I never felt like I could get rid of that stuff, even though I don’t ever look through it. Never wanted to go through some boyfriend-photo burning ceremony either, as I’m on good terms with most of my exes. So I guess the memory box will just remain where it is for the rest of time, and maybe Lance can make his own box (that I SWEAR I will never open).
5. Alone time
Oh so important. I used to be incapable of spending much time alone. Whenever I had a quiet afternoon stretched out in front of me, I’d be sure to call a friend for company. But nowadays I positively relish those brief periods of solitude, whenever I can catch them. Now that Lance and I will be sharing a place, I’m a little worried that these alone moments will be hard to get. At this point, however, our work schedules don’t match up, so there are definitely times that we won’t both be home. And I’m sure I’ll have a lot of catching up to do with seeing family and friends, going to the gym, working late, band practice… oh dear. Sweet alone time, when will I find you?! I guess we’ll have to get into the habit of spending time alone while in the same apartment. Our new flat does not lack size, thank god, so one of us could totally be in the office while the other chills in the living room. We’ll just have to practice not disturbing each other.
6. The actual moving process
Oh boy. I loathe moving (well, who doesn’t). I haven’t done it in 3 years, and I wish I could just fast forward to next week, when everything’s packed, lifted, and strapped into the truck, and then upacked into the new place. But, alas, I will have to live out this move in real time. I know that I tend to get grumpy and snappish when moving, and I totally have to keep myself in check. I’ve told Lance to yell at me if I’m being unnecessarily curt, but he’s so damn sweet I don’t know if he can. So, it’s his undying enthusiasm that I’m relying on to keep the move smooth. We have been thinking ahead a lot, and much is packed and planned already. We’ve got some friends lined up to help, and a few days to do it all in. I guess when it comes to the Big Move itself, it’s all about pacing, taking breaks, not overstressing, and drinking a lot of beer. Ah, hell, maybe this move will be delightful!
7. Commitment
Moving in together: a big step, they say! And it’s true. For many couples, gone are the days of spending your first night together on the day you are wed. And I can’t agree more; marriage is an even bigger step for a couple, and I think it’s important to getting the living-together stuff figured out long beforehand. You’ve got to learn each other’s habits and all the things I discussed above, and on top of that you are signing a lease together- a legally binding contract. If things don’t work out, it will be difficult to figure out what to do about that (who leaves, who stays, who’s sleeping on the couch, who’s paying rent…). Imagine that stuff, along with a divorce at the the same time, eesh! What a mess. What I’m saying here is that moving in together is a big commitment, equal to that of marriage in many ways. Do one at a time, and you save yourself and your relationship undue stress. So, that’s what Lance and I are trying, and I am super positive about our future.
I guess I didn’t say a ton about possible solutions to the above difficulties. I realize that is becuase they all have the same solution: COMMUNICATION! Seriously. I know I talk about it all the time, but that is what makes a relationship -any relationship- work. For all problems, from leaving the cap off the toothpaste to paying the rent, talking to your bf/gf about it is the way to go. Not talking = resentment, and eventually bigger problems. If you’re making the Big Move, chances are you want this relationship to go farther some day. And that can happen, if you communicate with your loved one, kindly and often.
Wish me luck, I’ll let y’all know how it goes!
xoxo, Lucy
It’s Alright to Cry… For a Little While
Dear Lucy,
My girlfriend left me. I’m still horribly in love with her, and I’m terrified I ALWAYS will be. So the past week I’ve gone into a total slut spiral, sleeping with girls left and right to try and crush my feelings for my ex. The attention and sex is a good distraction, but on the nights I’m alone I still lie in bed crying. Because I don’t want meaningless sex, I want sex with love. But I already love someone. So I’m separating my sex and my love and just….. I don’t know. I’m a mess. I can’t keep doing this. :(
Oooohhhh K. Calm down, buddy. Clearly, you are right about one thing: You can’t keep doing this.
One night stands and “meaningless” sex provide a distraction from feeling heartbroken, it’s true. Sometimes a person really just needs to go out and bang, or to “sow their wild oats” for a while. And that can be great, as long as you’re taking precautions, and you’re actually in the right state of mind for a little period of slutitude. But for you, as you already seem to recognize, the moment the action’s over, you’re back to feeling terrible. Probably even worse than before.
A couple things to consider: while the sex with random girls may not have meaning for you, these girls (whoever they are) might not feel the same way. Perhaps it’s some girl you pick up in a bar, or your buddy from work, or a friend’s cousin. But she may be wondering if you’re the one, while you’re wondering how many shots you need before your sorrows are drowning and you can take off you pants.
Also, I just have to mention the risk factor. Every person you sleep with is another potential risk for sexual transmitted disease, or an unplanned pregnancy. Yeah, yeah, you may know that already (hopefully you do), but it had to be said. The risks may not be worth the couple of hours of pleasure, especially when you are already in a fragile emotional state.
In any case, you say that you don’t want meaningless sex. So the first step here is to stop doing it. Someday in the future, you may meet a potential longer term partner, and your relationship may start out as a wild, sexy, “meaningless” encounter. But if you’re trying to replace your ex-girlfriend through such trysts, I would take a different route for the time being. You are currently still love-sick for the girl who left you, and you’ll feel that way for a while. But you WILL fall in love again. Not right away, it takes time and that is really hard to accept.
For now, keep your dick away from other girls, and get back in touch with your porn collection. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of your relationship, think about things you may want to change for future ones, and then put yourself back together again for whoever your next meaningful lover will be.
xoxo,
Lucy
Life. Love. Lust.
I'm Lucy. I live in Chicago and I like to talk about sex. Give me a topic: I'm happy to answer any questions about love, sex, and relationships. Email me at LucyRockwell@gmail.com Follow @LucyRockwell
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