It’s Better Wetter!

Dear Lucy,
Alright, so when I have sex, I can never (and I mean never) get wet enough for it to actually be pleasing. I’ve had a fair amount of sex, but it’s always spanned out over time. I really want to use lube, but I honestly don’t understand how to use it, and I feel like it will be incredibly strange asking to use it. Can you give me some lube-related advice? 

Indeed I can! First of all, let’s discuss your wetness, and what it is you call “sex.” If you mean penis-vagina intercourse, it is highly advisable to do some things to get your vagina ready for such an action. There are many reasons that people praise foreplay, one of the most important of which being making a lady’s vag moist. Stimulation of your vagina makes you feel good, and lets your vagina know that possible penetration is coming up soon. Having your clitoris and vaginal lips touched, licked, sucked on, etc, can make your vag open up, feel more sensitive, and start to produce natural vaginal fluid.

You say, however, that you never get wet enough. Perhaps you need more foreplay, in the form of mainly oral sex. If your partner goes down on you for a good while, this can get you super excited, causing you to produce more vagina juices. At the same time, your partner’s saliva will be getting all over your nether regions, making you even wetter. (If that sounds gross, get over yourself. This is a sex blog.)

If not enough lube is happening the natural way, then it is way ok to get some wetness-in-a-bottle. I find that condoms tend to dry you out more quickly, rubbing away your own natural moisture. Use lubricated condoms as a first step. Then, add more lube!

Muy importante!!: Do not use oil-based lubes with condoms. This makes the latex material that condoms are made of break down, holes are created, prophylactic now is useless. Any respectable sex shop will make you’re aware of this when you’re purchasing lube, but if they don’t say anything, double check that your lube is WATER-BASED before you buy.

Choosing a water-based lube is pretty fun, actually. There’s a lot of brands out there, and some sex shops let you put a little on your fingers and rub it around to feel the consistency. If you’re rubbing the lube between your fingers for just a couple minutes before your fingers feel dry, look for another brand that stays wet for longer. You can even try flavored lubes! (But only choose SUGAR-FREE flavored lubes, as sugar can cause yeast infections. I’m serious.)

Now, how do you use lubrication? Well, it’s pretty simple: squirt about a quarter-sized amount into your hand, then spread your legs and rub it all over your vag; clit, lips, inside too. Your partner can also do this for you, which can be pretty sexy. I advise squirting it into your hand first, because straight lube onto your vag can feel shockingly cold for a sec (even though the lube’s room temp, your crotch is hotter by far).

Next, CLOSE THE BOTTLE of lube before losing it in the sheets, as you don’t want to find a sticky puddle in the bed later. Yuckola.
Then, try out some intercourse and see how it goes. The dude can rub lube on his cock, too, for double lube action! Apply more lube when needed, and try different brands to see what works best for ya. I say go for “Hydrasmooth” brand, if you can find it.

As for “feeling incredibly strange” asking to use lube, don’t ask: tell. Have lube in reach by your bed, and bring a small bottle with you if you’re having a grown-up sleepover. Then, post-foreplay, if you’re not feeling wet enough, grab your trusty bottle of wetness while your dude rolls on a condom. Say, “Here, let’s use some lube. It makes sex feel really good for me.” Then apply it yourself, or have him do it. Any guy worth being in bed with you will make YOUR good feelings a priority, and he’ll be happy to oblige. If not, kick his dry ass out of bed.

xoxo,
Lucy

4 October 11 Permalink

Dear Lucy,

What is the best position to be in when giving a hand job?

The tough thing about giving a hand job is admitting that you will never give your dude a hand job that is as good as the one he gives himself. No matter how much you touch your lover’s penis, he’s been touching it for longer and more often than you, and he probably has his jerking off method down to a science. How fast, how slow, how much lube, where to touch, what motion; all these aspects of handjobbery differ per guy, so the most important thing is to realize that giving a great hand job will be a learning experience. Receivers: be vocal about what feels best, and be patient with your stroker. Givers: Listen to your lover, don’t get frustrated, and use lube!

Hand jobs are often used as foreplay, or you may like to switch between oral sex, stroking it, and intercourse, all within the same sexual experience. If you are planning to give a hand job from start to finish, with no oral or intercourse, and you want the end result to be your receiver having an orgasm, be prepared to put a lot of elbow grease into it. It is likely that your hand job could take longer to get him to come than it would be if he were just jerking himself off. Stroking for a long time can be tiring to your arms and hands. My guy friends claim that their jerking off arms have bigger muscles, and there could be some truth to it!

A word about lube: use it! Lube is great. I’ve heard of some guys who are against lube, thinking that is somehow emasculating to use it, or that it’s cheating. But no! Lube is your friend! And you can use so many substances for it: KY jelly, astroglide, olive oil, cocoa butter, Vaseline, saliva. Pour it on, ladies and gentlemen! It also helps to pour the lube into your hands first, so it warms to your skin a bit before rubbing it all over his cock. Also very important to note: DO NOT use oils or oil-based lubes if you are planning to use condoms for sex later. Oil can break down latex, causing a hole in a condom, which pretty much defeats the purpose. Water-based lubes are ideal for sexual experiences involving latex.

Now, onto my reader’s actual question; what position to be in? Talking to some dudes about this, I got a few ideas. One said that he likes to stand while his girl kneels in front of him or sits on a chair. The receiver can also lay down, with you laying or sitting beside him, or kneeling between his legs. One advantage of this position is that he would then get jizz on his own stomach, not on the sheets, which would be easier to clean up. Then there is always the sneaky side-by-side hand job, performed while sitting next to each other, blanket over laps, on the couch, at the movies, or at a concert, whatever. This type of hand job may not result in an orgasm due to the fear of getting caught, but it will certainly get you both all hot and ready for more when you get back to a more private location.

For stroking techniques, I loved the little videos on http://www.handjobadvice.com/ They demonstrate about twenty different methods, from the “Washing Machine” to the “Wild Butterfly,” that will take your man on an “express train to orgasm-town” (their phrase, not mine). To spice things up further, dirty talking helps. Also, make sure your man can see your sexy self. And eye contact is very hot, don’t be shy! Unless you’re using a blindfold, which is its own kind of hot.

Hope that helps. Stroke away, dear readers.

18 February 7 Permalink