Gettin’ Wise About Condom Size

Hello Lucy,
I have been having sex with my boyfriend for a while now, and we have been using birth control and condoms, playing it safe. Anyway, the other day we were doing it and he said that the condom was feeling tight and that the little reservoir tip didn’t exist cause he had slid all the way into it. Does this mean that we’re using the wrong size?

First of all, mad props to you and your dude for using birth control and condoms! I love when I hear about folks doubling up on the protection. With both birth control (I assume you mean the pill, or perhaps another hormonal method like the shot or the ring) AND condoms, you two are protecting yourselves and each other from the less pleasant after-effects of sex, like unplanned pregnancy, or STI transmission.

Side note: while doubling up on protection methods is great idea, that does NOT mean use two condoms! Never do that- the extra friction can cause the condoms to break and/or come off, defeating the whole purpose.

On to your question:

Yeah, it sounds like the condom may have been too tight. Just like the perfect pair of jeans, different brands and different style will fit and feel different once you’re wearing it.

Try out different style and brands of condoms, until you find something that feels good to your guy. You can also choose ribbed condoms, which feel good for you too (it works!). A too-tight condom will make it uncomfortable for him during sex, and neither of you want that.

For the larger man, I recommend Trojan Magnums (more raving about Trojans here). But don’t use rubbers that are too big either, or they can slip off during sex.

I’m glad you mention the reservoir tip on the condom, because this is something that a lot of condom-users don’t quite understand the importance of. The reservoir tip is a little nipple-shaped end on the condom. Its purpose is to collect the jizz after the guy ejaculates. If the semen doesn’t have a place to collect in the end of the condom, it could squeeze up the sides and out the opening at the top (bottom? depends on the position…), thus getting into/onto your vag. Which was what you were trying to avoid by using a condom in the first place.

If you’re using condoms with no reservoir tip (it should say so on the package), make sure to pinch the end between your fingers while you’re rolling the rubber onto the dick. This makes a little space in the end for the come to go.

Oh man, I have so much to say about condoms! Like this post on “Crying and Condoms.” And this other one on the porn industry.

xoxo, Lucy

20 March 3 Permalink

Advice that May Be Hard to Take…

Dear Lucy,

Should I take it personally when a guy goes soft?

Definitely not. I assume this question is from someone without a penis, and I also have no penis, so I’m going to have to answer this from a perspective sprinkled with things I’ve heard, not experienced directly. Nonetheless, I have definitely experienced partners going soft. This has happened with sorts of lovers- younger, older, new to me, or very familiar to my bedroom. Not that I’m saying that this is a common occurrence; usually guys stay hard while we’re messing around. But not always.

From what I can tell, there are a plethora of reasons that a guy can lose his erection. The usual suspects are nervousness and intoxication.

Don’t you, as a girl, get a little stage fright the first couple times you jump in bed with a new partner? How about when a regular partner wants to try something new that you’ve never done? Of course these things make you nervous. You have to be comfortable- physically and emotionally- to get wet or to have an orgasm. Now transfer these same conditions to a dude. I’d imagine that being nervous, and then maintaining the physical reaction (the erection) to sexual stimulation would be quite difficult. If all sorts of thoughts are running through your head, making you even more nervous, it could be a challenge to keep your mind on your dick. Does she like me? Do I look good? Does this feel good? Can I touch her here? Am I weird? Has she done this before? What if the condom breaks?… and there goes Woody.

Then there’s inebriation. Every party guy knows (as do the party girls who love them) that too much to drink = no hard-on. Drugs have the same side effect, so I hear. Especially coke (Though I’ve never done that, or, to my knowledge, slept with someone who had. At least not that day). It’s just the way life is. So, while drinking and drugging can be a good time, don’t necessarily expect that good time to continue post-party. If you want to get it on for sure, drink in moderation so you and your man are ready to go.

Did I mention that there’s a plethora of other reasons for a dude to go soft? Well here’s some more:

Tiredness, stress, being sick, some medications, self-esteem, smoking, diet… the list goes on.

Think about how all of the above items make you feel. Sometimes you’re tired, or sick, or stressed, and you just don’t feel like getting it on. These feelings can be the same for dudes. You’d probably feel terrible if your man took it personally that you didn’t feel like banging because you were exhausted.

Even if you do feel a little hurt that your man is having trouble keepin ghard, for heaven’s sake don’t show it! Pouting or pestering him, “Is this my fault?? Why are you losing your hard-on? Why? WHY!?” will only make the situation worse. 

Instead, switch the action in bed to another area. Maybe he could go down on you for a while, or you could just make out, or turn on some porn, or read erotica out loud to each other. Or perhaps he just needs to sleep, and you can resume in the morning.

Xoxo,

Lucy 

6 February 15 Permalink

Dangerous Curves Ahead

Dear Lucy,
If my penis is curved, will it cause more pain? Or more ecstacy?

Every penis varies in size and shape. Almost all dicks have some sort of curve to them, and there is nothing bad about that whatsoever.

Don’t worry too much before-hand about how your penis will fit into your lady’s vagina. Even if it’s rock hard, there is a certain amount of malleability to an erect penis. Be sure to get her all excited, warmed up, and wet before thrusting into her, and that should help. A dry, unaroused vag will always be cause for an unpleasant (and possibly a bit painful) sexual experience for both partners.

Depending on how and how much your cock curves, the result can be different for your lovers. Some parts of a lady’s anatomy down there are more sensitive than others. For instance, the entrance to the vagina and the top wall (or g-spot) of the vag may get sensitive and stimulated before other parts of her. An upward-curving cock may rub against her g-spot, which could be awesome. It could also feel weird or too sensitive, and she may ask you to stop and change positions.

The head of a cock that curves to the side may rub on one or the other pussy wall more than the other. If this chafing gets uncomfortable, flip your lady friend around and switch positions.

With any new sexual partner, it’ll take time and practice to figure out what works best for the two of you together. The same positions and motions may not work the same for every lover you have. But lemme tell ya- I’ve had some good times with some curvy cocks. So go for it, tiger.

Xoxo, Lucy

6 October 19 Permalink