Post(s) tagged with "porn"
My fiancee has a porn addiction and we never have sex anymore. He prefers porn over sex with a real person. WTF am I supposed to do about that?
Well, simply put, ya don’t get married. At least not until the situation has majorly changed.
I don’t know how long you and your fiance have been together, or how long his “porn addiction” has been a problem. But I do know it is a terrible idea to get hitched if you have any sort of giant problem with your sex life looming overhead.
Think about these things: how do you know that he prefers watching porn (and, I assume, masturbation) over sex with a person? Does he jerk it to porn when you’re around, and ignore you? Or does it happen when he’s home alone, and it’s something that you find out about later? Has he told you about porn-over-people explicitly, when you’ve tried to initiate sexy time with him? Or are you guessing?
Perhaps porn-viewing is something you can enjoy together. Not necessarily every single time you’re getting down, but every so often. If it turns him on, and you’re there to turn him on even further, it could be a great sexual experience. I’ve learned that most dudes enjoy porn, and that many of them don’t really connect it to real sex. Some view it simply as a mechanism to get turned on, like you’d use a vibrator. This turn-on mechanism isn’t alive or emotional, it can’t speak to or respond to another person. But combine a real live human’s assistance with a vibe or a porn-playing laptop, and BING! O-face.
I know that my boyfriend watches porn when I’m not home sometimes. Sometimes we watch it together, because the things happening on the screen aren’t things we can replicate in our bedroom (although I’d LOVE a wrestling ring and a latex wardrobe, thank you very much!). I’ve also had the experience of dudes having a bit of a difficult time getting/keeping it up, due to nerves, booze, or what-have-you. Having porn playing in the background seemed to help bring these situations to a successful end.
Of course, all my blathering could be for naught if you, indeed, had a talk with your fiance in which he straight up said: “I prefer jerking off to porn over having sex with you or any other real-live person.” If that is the case, he needs to decide whether this is something he’d like to change for your benefit. Hopefully, this is a habit he’ll want to work on transforming. This may require counselling from a professional, and patience from you. Again, I must reiterate that going through with a marriage is off the table until you two have worked this out to a place of mutual satisfaction.
If he’s not willing to change this habit, or he doesn’t understand why it’s a problem, well, unfortunately it’s time for you to move on. It may be difficult to end a relationship that had gone so far as to turn into an engagement. However, getting married won’t magically solve this problem with your sex life. And you do not want to get yourself stuck in a life without sex.
Good luck,
xoxo Lucy
MAHNA MAHNA: Sexy Origins of a Muppets Classic
I recently heard a rumor (that appears to be well-founded) about the origins of the Muppets’ song, “Mahna Mahna.” This song, when performed by the Muppets, features a guy with dark glasses and an orange lion-mane-like hairdo (named Mahna Mahna, as well) singing the nonsense verses. He’s backed up by two pink, horned, lashy bird/cow/alien creatures named the Snowths. They sing the “doo-doo-doos” for Mahna Mahna, and also try to reign him in when he gets carried away.
The song was premiered on The Muppet Show, but has had a few reincarnations over the years. Most recently, the trio showed up in the new Muppet Movie (which I thought was FANTASTIC). The band Cake also did a cover of “Mahna” a while back, with all their brassy goodness. All in all, the “Mahna” sketch is a favorite of mine, and and I’ve added the Cake cover to more than a few mix CDs.
I was surprised, and weirdly delighted, to learn that the song first graced our earth as part of the soundtrack of a steamy Italian film from 1968. The film is called Sweden: Heaven and Hell, and is described as a documentary about sexuality in 1960s Sweden, where “the new morality is old hat.” Based on this video, I’m actually dying to watch the whole documentary. The film promises to reveal the truth about Swedish swingers, sex cruises, roving predatory motorcycle gangs, naked meter maids, and so much more! The scene featuring “Mahna Mahna” seems quite tame in comparison, just showing a gaggle of Swedish babes hanging out in a sauna wrapped in towels.
I don’t think my childhood memories have been tainted by my new knowledge of the inspiration behind the Muppets’ classic. The Muppets were created by adults for children, but seem to include secret nods to adults that I like to discover as I rewatch them as a grown-up. I’ve had similar revelations watching Pee-Wee’s Playhouse, and even Disney movies (we all know what’s going on with that priest in The Little Mermaid…).
A timeline of the history of “Mahna Mahna” includes the note that the Snowths got their name from a combination of the words “snout” and “mouth.” Sure, maybe, but I wouldn’t be surprised if those Swedish maidens tromping around in the snow had something to do with it, too…
xoxo,
Lucy
Chi-Town Adventures: The Erotic Warehouse
The other night I was out with some girlfriends. We went to an art opening on Lake St and drank wine, feeling very fancy and sophisticated. But, that was all about to change! I was driving the ladies home, and we found ourselves on the Near West side, like on Randoloh with its odd mix of upscale restaurants and food packing plants. Then, out of the corner of my eye I spotted an anomaly in this already odd part of town: a non-descript brown brick building displaying these words: EROTIC WAREHOUSE.
Needless to say, I spun my truck right around and pulled into the warehouse’s shady parking lot. Giggling and not really knowing what to expect, the ladies and I jumped out of the car and stepped through the front door.
What we encountered was not as terrifying as I was expecting. The Erotic Warehouse is a pretty typical sex supply shop, well-stocked with dildos and videos. It has none of the airs of your froofier sex shops, where everything is displayed on white shelves and lucite stands, and you can test all the vibrators with hand-painted batteries. No, the toys at the Warehouse are all safely enclosed in their packaging, plastered with photos of porn stores in all their glistening glory.
After wandering around for a bit, my gals and I came across the bachelorette party section of the store, in which every item is shaped like a penis. Eureka! Our (straight, male) friend’s birthday party was the next evening, and clearly the penis pinata was the gift to bring. Doubles as a party game! We hunted the warehouse for things to fill it with, and the girl at the counter was happy to suggest the tiny penis-shaped candies (I assume they taste like runts or sweet tarts? Ew, both of those would gross in this context). She told us, grinning, that the candies would scatter around the room when the pinata burst, and you could still find them weeks later, at which you’d say to yourself, “ooh a little dick!”
That register girl, though pretty scary looking, was just a delight. She also kindly advised us to wash the penis straws before use, as many people “test them out” while waiting to be rung up. I took that advice, for sure. We also stuffed the pinata with some “sexy scratchers” bachelorette party lotto tickets, some Magnums I had at home (sorry, Lance doesn’t have any other sizes ;) and leftover Halloween candy. The gift was complete.
Our birthday boy was disturbed, yet touched by our thoughtfulness. We strung the present up on the balcony at his house, and he knocked the pinata right off on the first whack. It then exploded in the street, and the partygoers scrambled to pick up the loot. Needless to say, the straws were the hit of the evening. Perfect for slurping up PBR from a can.
Thanks, Erotic Warehouse.
(1246 W. Randolph)
xoxo,
Lucy
SEX ADVICE RELAY: JANUARY 2011
I’m thinking of making this a monthly column, wherein I challenge my loquacious self to answer many questions in a paragraph or less. So, on your marks… get set…
Dear Lucy,
If a girl has been fingered a lot and bled a bit the first time that happened, will there still be blood when she actually loses her virginity?
I’d say probably not. It sounds as if she/you may have had her/your hymen break the first time she/you were fingered. (Let’s just say you. It’s more personal.) I wasn’t there for the initial bleeding, but you probably bled because your cherry was popped, or perhaps you were scratched inside by accident. But you don’t mention pain, and that seems unlikely. There could be blood the first time you have sexual intercourse, but it’s my best guess that you’ve already gotten that out of the way.
Dear Lucy,
Well I haven’t had sex since me and my boyfriend, of a year and half, broke up in April. I’ve been feeling the need for sex, but I don’t want to have sex with just anyone. So I’ve been watching porn and masturbating to it. Is it normal for an 18 year old girl to watch porn? I mean, I feel as if porn is only for guys.
Totes normal. Yes, most porn is geared toward guys, but that doesn’t mean girls can’t enjoy it as well. The internet is not your brother’s treehouse; there’s no possibility of “no girls allowed” porn websites. I think you are wise not have sex with “just anyone”, and to engage in some self-lovin’ in the meantime. Check out Babeland’s sweet guide to porn for women: http://www.babeland.com/sexinfo/features/womenguidetoporn. Or the “female friendly” link on Pornhub.
Dear Lucy,
I just had sex with my boyfriend, and my period started during sex! Is it true that you can’t get pregnant when you have your period?
No! It is NOT true that you can’t get pregnant on your period! It may be less likely, but it is not entirely out of the question. Use your preferred type of birth control during your period, and the rest of the time, too.
Dear Lucy,
Follow up question for the herpes post. My friend has herpes and a current outbreak. I borrowed her tights and wore them. Can I have gotten herpes that way?
Highly unlikely. The herpes virus is passed through skin-to-skin contact, and not through inanimate objects like clothes, towels, soap, or toilets.
Dear Lucy,
May we see you naked? :)
Of course not. I intend to preserve my privacy as much as possible. And that goes for all you anonymous folks who ask if I want to sleep with/blow/date them. Not gonna happen. If you read my blog consistently and thoroughly, you’d know that I am contentedly involved in an awesome relationship, which remains “closed” as of now. So, please enjoy all my blog has to offer, and know that you’re not gonna get anything beyond that from me. Honestly; some people!
xoxo,
Lucy
In my ongoing effort to get the people of this world to stop acting like babies, man-up, and use protection, here it is…
Crying and Condoms Edition 2: The Porn Industry
The debate continues: should condom use be required in the adult film industry? While it is not technically a law that porn actors have to roll on a rubber when performing onscreen, it has been “highly recommended” by several health associations that they do so.
In California (location of the country’s porn capital, the San Fernando Valley), it is required that all porn actors, male and female, get tested for HIV and other STIs every 30 days. Adult film actors can’t “work” if they haven’t been tested in the last month, or if they test positive for a sexually transmitted disease. There’s even a website set up for porn actors to check out the testing status of their costars before hopping into bed (or pool-house, or dungeon) with them.
Condoms, however, are not mandatory in porn. Sure, they’re highly recommended, and any porn actor that requests condom use is accommodated for. Fantastic. But the bottom line is that porn doesn’t sell as well if a dude is banging a chick with a little raincoat on his dick. The adult film industry wants to make money, first and foremost! If they think that a condom law will hurt their sales, they’re not gonna support it.
Many porn actors are also on board with a condom-optional policy. Some claim that condoms make sex uncomfortable or painful. It is also widely believed that the use of condoms in a video “ruins the fantasy” for us, the porn viewers. I guess they think that somebody enjoying a quiet night in with “Pirates” won’t be able to get off as hard if the Captain of the Ship sheaths his sword in latex before sticking it into the Naughty Siren.
In gay porn, however, condom use is the norm. Most actors in man-on-man anal scenes use condoms, and I don’t get why straight porn actors don’t follow suit. My roommate, Jonathan, claims that it’s because gay guys have better hygiene. Perhaps some people still think of HIV as being more of a “gay issue,” and thus gay porn viewers are more willing to accept condom use in their favorite films. Either way, the fact is that straight porn stars are as likely to contract STIs as their gay counterparts; many actors do gay and straight porn, and most have vaginal and anal sex.
Oral sex is another issue. Semen is often a result or oral sex (if yer doing it right), and semen is a fluid that can transmit STIs. Despite this, condoms are pretty much never used for oral sex in porn, because this sex act is considered “low risk” in comparison to vaginal and anal. According to my research, this is part of the reason that facials are so popular in porn: by busting a nut onto your costar’s face, instead of in her/his mouth, you are actually keeping them safer.
Yes, testing helps prevent the spread of HIV and its other nasty friends, but I don’t think the monthly tests are enough. If a porn actor acquires a disease or infection through sex, they and their costars may not find out about it until weeks later, when it’s too late to prevent or treat it.
If I was watching porn and the dude paused the action to Trojan his Horse, I think I’d be delighted. I’d say to myself: “Well! That’s one health-conscious sex worker!” And then I’d continue watching the film with a contented feeling, knowing that the actors in that film were getting paid to do their job and have fun, while providing entertainment to me, the viewer, AND taking care of themselves in the process.
Xoxo, Lucy
Life. Love. Lust.
I'm Lucy. I live in Chicago and I like to talk about sex. Give me a topic: I'm happy to answer any questions about love, sex, and relationships. Email me at LucyRockwell@gmail.com Follow @LucyRockwell
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