Mr. Big Stuff: You ARE Gonna Get My Love

Dear Lucy,
My current boyfriend and I have finally decided to do the nasty. But there’s a bit of a problem, he is too big (is that even possible?), and it tends to be painful when he puts it in. Is this my fault? Am I too shallow?

Hey Lucy,
I’ve been dying to get an answer for this for awhile, since it’s killing me (almost literally). I’m rather small, and my boyfriend is huge. It’s almost physically impossible for us to have sex without it hurting. Any ideas for the best positions?

I have no idea if these questions are from the same person, but if so, I apologize for not answering sooner. I‘d feel horrible if you actually died from too much cock!

Many questions I receive ask about physical issues (like best positions for certain types of sex), coupled with emotional and confidence issues. If you haven’t noticed by now, I try to tackle both of these topics equally, because I’m not just trying to encourage fun, safe, physical satisfaction, my darlings. I hope my writings will also go on to inspire a crew of sex-positive, confident, educated, fair-minded women and men who know what they want, and how to get it.

OK, I couldn’t help but grimace at the first reader’s questions: “Is this my fault? Am I too shallow?” Dear girl, how could this possibly be anyone’s fault? You and your boyfriend have human bodies that are simply built the way they’re built. If you’re new to sex (which I am kind of inferring from the way you worded your question), your vagina just doesn’t have the experience of having something shoved into it repeatedly yet. And maybe your boyf doesn’t yet know how to use his dick properly, in a way that won’t hurt you.

Your vag isn’t “too small.” His penis isn’t “too big.” Sure, your lady and man parts, respectively, may be smaller or larger than the national average, but you can still learn to use them together successfully. So get off your guilt complex and buy some nice lube, and invite your jolly giant into the bedroom for a little bit of this:

FOREPLAY. Have I stressed this enough in my life? No, I can never stress it enough. Foreplay is what is going to help your cootch get ready for that monster cock. As you may have noticed, when a man is sexually aroused, there is a very obvious physical response: his penis gets erect. A woman also has a physical response to arousal: her vagina gets more sensitive, it literally opens up more, and her natural juices flow, lubricated her vaginal canal. This doesn’t just happen for no reason- the gal’s physical changes down there are intended to pave the way for the entrance of a penis into her love canal.

You’re probably super nervous about the dicking-down your boyfriend wants to give you. We’ll assume you’re majorly into each other, and you love making out and everything, maybe you’ve even mastered a killer blow job. But you won’t be able to relax if you’re worried about the possibility of pain every time you’re about to have sexual intercourse. If you’re scared or nervous, you won’t be able to let go enough for your body to get all sexed-up and ready for dick. So that’s the first step: relllaaaaxxx.

Then, if your boy wants to ever get inside you, he better be prepared for some major cunnilingus time. When he goes down on you, it will arouse you, relax you, and add some more wetness to the area. If he brings you to an orgasm (which, if you ask me, he’d better) your vag will be even more ready for a visit from his ambassador of love.

If, for some reason, cunnilingus is not working out, masturbate for a good while, have him finger you, play with a vibrator, tweak your nips, and anything else that you know you really like. Then, when you’re good and ready (and I’m talking READY, people, like mucho foreplay. Like at least ½ hour. If not more. And not like 5 minutes.), it may be time to try a little more.

Your canal itself may still be pretty tight (especially if you are new to sex, or haven‘t had it for a while), but lube and foreplay should help loosen you up a bit. In my experience, pain from sex comes mostly from something hitting your cervix. Your cervix is located at the back of your vaginal canal, so a deep thrusting from a big dick will almost inevitably hit this sensitive part of you. So you’ll want to try positions that won’t allow his dick in that far.

Girl-on-top sex may be the way to begin. Have your man lie still, and you be the one to put his dick into you, as carefully and slowly as you want. You can control the depth and frequency of the thrusts, and get your pussy used to having that pole all up in it. I find that being on top of guy with a big dick is actually my most sensitive position, however, and I can’t always get a whole lot of cock in me without it bumping my cervix. But it’s good for the you-in-control aspect.

Still on top, try turning around into reverse-cowgirl. And then, try lying down. Like with your back against his chest, and his cock up between your legs. This position allows him to hold your body, and move you up and down on his dick, but the extra friction from your thighs can still rub the rest of the shaft that’s not in your vag. Feel free to pour lube all over your business, including your thighs.

Guy-on-top sex can put it in pretty deep, but there are still ways to do it. Traditionally, the girl spreads her legs, and the guy keeps his together. Try reversing this, keeping your legs, and thus your vag, more closed so his dick doesn’t go in as far. And don’t throw your legs up over his shoulders- that’s a clear path to cervix-bumping.

Most of all, don’t lose heart. If something doesn’t feel good, take a little break to kiss and cuddle, then pour on more lube and try something else. Get comfortable and practice, and don’t give up for good. I’m here to say: it will get better. As your bodies get used to each other, you will be able to take more and more of his penis inside you. When I was dating Will and his enormous cock, we often spent weeks or months apart. When we came back together, it was usually difficult for him to fuck me as hard as he had been before I left. So for a few days we’d have more gentle lovin, and soon enough my vag would be accommodating to him once more.

Let me know how it goes!

Xoxo, Lucy

P.S. I know the picture is startling, but why should all my pin-ups be girls? That awesome member, and the muscular man attached, are done by Tom of Finland. His art is pretty great, look him up.

22 July 18 Permalink

Zodiac Sex Positions Review- Installment 3

I’ve been getting a lot of questions asking about my favorite sex positions, so I think it’s time to continue my reviews of sex positions, based on this Zodiac-themed blacklight poster.

So click on the lava lamp, drop the needle onto some Pink Floyd vinyl, and enjoy Installment 3…

CANCER (June 21-July 22)- “Versatile”

The meaning behind the names of these positions continues to elude me. The thing that you need to be “versatile” about is apparently your household furniture, because the next three positions require small stools of various heights. Cancer’s position is pretty fun, kinda like Reverse Cowgirl, but sitting instead of lying down. I think this position works better if Girl’s legs are spread more, so they are on the outside of Guy’s. Then he can push in deeper. On the other hand, if she closes her legs more, as it appears Girl on Poster is doing, her pussy will be tighter on his dick and can create more friction. This is also a great position for Guy to grab Girl’s boobs and play with her nips. And, as Poster Dude has figured out, just push her forward a bit for a great view of her booty. Hm… perhaps more versatile than I first thought…

LEO (July 22-August 23)- “Friendly”

The only position shown where the lovers are smiling! Grinning, even! My best friend is a Leo, and a very laughy, happy guy, and I always loved how appropriate this position is for him. I guess it is called “friendly” because the couple is facing each other, so it’s easier to tell each other hilarious jokes during sex (as Poster Couple appears to be doing). Or maybe it’s so funny because, since Girl has her knees up on his shoulders, Guy slipped and accidentally stuck it in her butt! He’s certainly got a good hold on her butt. This position is just stupid to actually try to execute; they’re totally about to fall off the stool. And I ain’t LION (Leo joke, ha!).

VIRGO (August 23-September 23)- “Ingenious”

Ok, sorry, dear readers, but this Sex Position Review is just getting ridiculous. The only thing “ingenious” about Virgo’s position is that the couple found a stool that short, that they can both kneel on. They must be a couple of Virg(in)os to even think this is going to work. The only good thing about this one is that maybe, with Guy’s arms around her waist, he could possibly push Girl onto his dick pretty hard. But, how long could this last? She looks like she’s holding on for dear life. Or that they’ve just taken a good, hard, distant look at each other, and they are having second thoughts.

STAY TUNED FOR THE FOURTH AND FINAL INSTALLMENT!

The first 2 reviews can be found here:

http://gettingdowninchitown.tumblr.com/post/253827405/zodiac-sex-positions-review-this-is-the-poster-i

http://gettingdowninchitown.tumblr.com/post/259240763/zodiac-sex-positions-review-installment-2-ladies

23 February 20 Permalink

Zodiac Sex Positions Review

This is the poster I had hanging on the wall during my college years. It is flocked with black velveteen, glows under a blacklight, and is a great reminder of the zodiac calendar. Oh, and it provides excellent ideas for sex positions to try throughout the year, each with a strange title! What more could you want from a wall hanging??

Of course, each astrological sign has been tried by yours truly and a male companion, for better or for worse…

CAPRICORN (December 21-January 20)- “Aware”
Let us begin the year with the Reverse Cowgirl, shall we? Considering that Capricorn is actually the sign of the sea-goat (an animal which is now extinct), we can infer that the sex positions represented on the poster have little to do with the correlating zodiac symbol. In any case, Reverse Cowgirl is a delight for the woman and the man. The girl gets to be in control, moving at the speed she wishes. The guy gets an excellent view (Guy on Poster certainly seems “aware” of this), with plenty of opportunity for ass grabbin’ and slappin’. Plus, who doesn’t want to be called “Cowgirl?”

AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18)- “Humanitarian”
This position can only be described as “Girl on Top of Dead Guy.” Yes, it’s awesome to be on top, but why is Guy on Poster lying there catatonically? Perhaps she is a necrophiliac and snuck into the morgue in the middle of the night. Or maybe I’m interpreting this image incorrectly and she’s a real “humanitarian” trying to pick up a drowning victim. But if this is really meant to be a positive sexual experience with both members alive and well, why is the guy lying there with his arms flopped to the sides? Show a little interest, man!

PISCES (February 18-March 20)- “Provider”
Aw yeah, missionary! Guy on Poster is “providing” the Girl with some sweet loving, and she seems to be enjoying it! Missionary is the international symbol of sex, accepted the world around. And there are so many reasons to love it: lots of skin-to-skin contact, kissing, whispering sweet nothings, the girl wrapping her legs around the guy. Yes, it’s good to mix it up, but sometimes there’s nothing like a nice missionary tumble in the hay.

STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT ROUND OF ZODIAC SEX POSITION TRIALS!

22 November 64 Permalink