Is My Body Too Boobalicious For Ya…

Dear Lucy,

So, my boobs just grew a lot recently and now I have really bad stretch marks. I’m so self concious about them, and I’m worried they’re going to be a huge turn-off to guys. Am I right, or am I being overly insecure?

Your recent breast growth is just part of puberty. Stretch marks are a super common occurance for busty women, and many of my friends and I went through the same thing. The good news is that the reddish-purply lines will fade in a year or two, to become just some flesh-colored, thin, practically unnoticeable marks. It’s seriously not a big deal- if parts of your body grow quickly, your skin stretches quickly, and the marks just happen. 

If you want to try it, I hear that vitamin E and cocoa butter help stretch marks (and other scars) fade from your skin. You can even find lotions that combine cocoa butter and vitamin E. Pretty ubiquitous at any drug store. 

As for your future sexual experiences, I’ve never once heard a guy say anything about boob stretch marks. When you start (safely and conscientiously!) hooking up with dudes around your age, I’m pretty sure they’ll just be delighted to be anywhere near boobs. They wouldn’t dare fuck up a sexy experience by mentioning anything about your body that would embarrass you. If a guy does say something, simply explain, “Yeah, my boobs grew a whole lot really fast. If it bothers you, you needn’t stick around.” That’ll shut him up right quick. 

You’re beautiful!

xoxo, Lucy

22 April 12 Permalink

Masturbation for the Ladies

Dear Lucy,

Do you masturbate?

I have been asked this question now many times, so I think it’s time to write an article on girls getting off. Plus, it’s an excellent opportunity to introduce you to all these fantastic new terms for female masturbation! Like Auditioning the Finger Puppets! Love that one.

So, the short answer is: YES, of course I masturbate. I’m human. Anyone who thinks that bringing one’s own self to orgasm is exclusively a man’s sport has got a lot to learn. Interestingly, I didn’t start buffin’ the muffin until fairly late in the game. At around age 15, a bunch of us girls were hanging out in gym class, and one precocious young lady asked us all if we “jacked off.” Most of my girlfriends were quick to agree that they did, and so I said the same. The truth is, at 15 I didn’t even know the vagina had two holes. I know, crazy, right?!

(And if this was, ahem, a revelation for you just now, go here: http://www.biologie.uni-hamburg.de/b-online/library/onlinebio/femalerepro_1.gif)

I went home and started spelunking with my fingers, figuring out what felt good. Soon I had it all figured out; I knew what to touch on my own body, how fast, how hard, how much. After that, I was hitchhiking to heaven whenever I damn well pleased. And after that, I started having sex, so orgasms were usually provided by my boyf for a while. Then, my freshman year of college, I was foolishly doing a long distance thing with Jeff. A dormmate took pity on me and bought me a vibrator for my birthday. It was giant and squishy and purple, and it introduced a whole new way of polishing the pearl. Ol’ Purple broke down eventually, but I’ve been in possession of a vibe ever since.

There are health benefits from masturbating for woman: yay! Many are the same benefits of jacking off for men, but jilling off has its own special perks too:

-Stress relief and help with insomnia. Playing the Clitar releases those lovely endorphins and hormones we love so much, making us feel good, relaxed, glowy.

-Prevention of infection. When a girl does a little finger-painting, her cervix “tents” and flushes out bacteria. This bacteria can lead to a cervix infection, or a dreaded UTI, and no one wants that. If you feel a UTI coming on, it may help the pain and the infection symptoms to masturbate.

-Orgasms relieve menstrual cramps. I can attest to this. On those coupla days of the month that it’s real bad, running a hot bath and playing with the little man in the boat can make the pain dissipate.

-Petting the petunia can strengthen your pelvic floor, too. Stronger pelvic muscles have a plethora of benefits, some of which include: increased vag lubrication, making your g-spot more sensitive, helpin’ out with childbirth, keeping your canal tighter. Squeezing your kegels while you touch yourself builds up pelvic strength, so do it with dedication!

-And, of course, getting to know yourself. Same as with the dudes; the more you are in tune with your own body, the better sex will be with others. Spend a night in with your pussy and get to know what YOU like and what gets you off, and then you will be able to teach it to your partners. If a lover is down between your legs, and you haven’t yet discovered if you even like the licking, humming, sucking, or what have you, you may be there all night without a release in sight.

If you don’t know where to begin with masturbation, begin here:

Get some time alone. Take yourself to a private place at a time where you won’t be interrupted. Lock the door, turn off the phone, turn some sexy tunes that make you happy. If a glass of wine or a few hits off a bowl help you relax, feel free to partake of these things first. Get into a comfy spot; the bath, your bed, the couch. Then just give yourself lots of time.

Explore your body, don’t just jump straight down to the vag. Run your fingers over your lips, neck, chest, stomach. Spend some time on your nipples (see my last article), maybe lick your fingers first to get your nips wet. When you’re good n’ ready, rub your hand over your pussy. Stroke the outside and surrounding area to titillate yourself. Then dip a couple fingers in, finding your clit and rubbing down the inner lips. A little lube, oil, or lotion can help keep things slick down there, too.

From here, it is a matter of preference. Some ladies get off on only clit stimulation, and others from vaginal penetration. Some need a combination of both. Try all sorts of different things: rubbing your clit in circles, pinching or slapping a little, rubbing back and forth really fast. Reach your fingers inside your vagina, curling them up and stroking the bumpy upper part of the vaginal wall, AKA the G-spot. If you find any place that feels particularly good, DON’T STOP. Go with that motion until it doesn’t feel the same way anymore.

Bring toys into the equation, too. Vibrators are particularly awesome, as the vibrating motion stimulates quickly and thoroughly (at least for me). There are some vibes that you can just lay or rub over your clit, and others that are dildo shaped that you can use to penetrate yourself, as well. I currently own a Corsair, made by Fun Factory. It’s got all sorts of speeds and different rhythms, which is super fun.

If you don’t achieve an orgasm on your first tiptoe through the twolips, don’t give up! Read more, experiment more, play more. There’s all sorts of people out there that really want you to make yourself come. I happen to be one of ‘em.

Xoxo, Lucy

12 April 92 Permalink